Guy: Is there such a thing as too hi-res?
Girl: Yea, it’s called real life.
–16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: John Fischetti
Guy: Is there such a thing as too hi-res?
Girl: Yea, it’s called real life.
–16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: John Fischetti
Conductor: Use all available doors, please. Don’t be afraid of open doors.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Man looking at the BDSM exhibit: That’s not scary. I have one of those!
–Museum of Sex
Overheard by: Rachel K
Big black man to his big black friends: Yo, and I was totally afraid he’d crush my vagina.
–Starbucks, 9th & 57th
Overheard by: newsyspice
Homeless guy: I don’t know why all you people are looking at me scared! This is my game face! Halloween is over!
–G Train
Overheard by: drum
Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: What’s your name, sir?
Audience member: Samantha.
Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: Holy shit!
–Blender Theater, Gramercy
Overheard by: we thought she was a dude, too…
Male student orientation leader: Hi, did you masturbate today?
Female student orientation leader: Yes, I did!
–Orientation, Baruch College
20-ish guy: Maybe I’ll get another drumstick this time.
Friend: Or another fuck you.
–Brand New Concert, Blender Theatre, Gramercy
Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.
–6 Train
Overheard by: POLA
Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!
–Harlem
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.
–University & 9th
Overheard by: Mary Crippen
Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: thats gross
Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!
–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?
–Elevator, Empire State Building
Little boy: But I was really excited for her to get a hernia!
–35th & 6th
Overheard by: alix
Eleven-year-old boy, to classmate that he just hit with a ball representing "responsibility": Oooooooo!!! You just got pounded in the face with responsibility!!!
–Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Their Proud Counselor
Ten-year-old girl, about figures: Why do they all have to be boys?
–Bodies: The Exhibition, South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Robert
Young child crossing the street while holding his mothers hand: [Singing] Please… Don’t… Enter me.
–70th St & Columbus
Little boy: It’s not illegal to jiggle.
–6th & 17th
Preschooler to daddy: Can I get that three hundred dollars now?
–UES
Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!
–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.
Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!
–14 & Broadway
Overheard by: Shemp
Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.
–4 Train
Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]
–Library, Washington Irving High School
Male student: I think it was just like… quiet racism.
Exuberant black teacher, whispering: Nigga!
–ICE High School, 16th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Lady-Bastard
Gay guy: I’m going to the movies tonight.
Male friend: Yeah? To see what?
Gay guy: Men.
–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Wish I was going, too
