Hey, Wednesday, Your One-Liner Is Showing!

Middle-aged woman, angrily on cell: You tell him to go outside right now, and take his clothes off!

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: djlori

Girl to friend: All of a sudden there's a naked man! Like, this doesn't translate well visually.

–Uptown 1 Train

Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?

–60th St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Stacey V

Girl on phone: Topless anarchy is still anarchy, man.

–5 Train

Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!

–Columbia University

Posted on May 10, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kink, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Prostitution, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Freshly-Minted Wednesday One-Liners

Annoying Jersey girl on cell: I'm not frugal. I'm, like, not frugal with a vengeance. I, like, refuse to consider money.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Hobo

Columbia University administrator: It gets difficult to manage finances as your endowment reaches the size of the GDP of a small country.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Senatore

Bike messenger (yelling): Could anybody spare $50,000?

–6th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: thiess

Man: I mean, what does does she *really* get out of riding a five thousand dollar scooter?

–Outside Think Coffee

Overheard by: nemily

Suit on cell: You see, the thing with money counters is they jam…and when you are in a roomful of illiterate afghans, there's 8 million on the table and they mistrust you.

–Mercer & Grand

Professor: I bet none of you wrote that in your admissions essay. "I want money." Actually, that might be successful. They might think, "hey, that's pretty cool, they're telling the truth."

–NYU Law

Posted on May 8, 2019
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Men, Money & Class, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Street, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Vaguely Christian Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy homeless guy: Ya see, I don’t like the Baptists, because I’m a Roman Catholic. But I would hire a Baptist man, because I like the doughnuts.

–4 train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Little boy skipping: I did not commit a sin!

–Central Park

Yuppie chick on cell: It’s really easy to convert to Protestantism. All you have to do is kill a few Catholics, Martin Luther King style. Okay, I gotta go, I have a train to catch.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I’d like to know where she studied history

Man bowing head: Hail Mary, full of– ah, fuck it.

–Northbound Q train

Posted on May 7, 2019
Christianity, Crazies, Kids, On Cell, Yuppies

Have You Seen Wednesday? It's Totally Had Its One-Liners Done.

Woman on cell: I can't believe no one said anything… How could no one notice? It used to be sooooo crooked, and I spend all this money to get my nose fixed, and no one says anything?

–Norfolk & Houston

50-year-old lady: So are you still down for the Brazilian wax?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuch

Little girl, pointing at someone having their eyebrows threaded: Look! They're sewing that woman's face!

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: kenzi

Orange lady: Is it like you definitely, for sure get cancer from a tanning bed? Cause then I might stop.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Alexis

Posted on May 4, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cancer, Kids, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nose Job, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Tess

Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!

–45th & 9th

Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…

–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens

Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!

–R Train

Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll

Posted on April 29, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Global Geography, Guys, Holidays, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Subway conductors, U.S. Geography, War, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners for Sprint Ambassadors

Girl: Wait, what? You have Gandhi on your phone?

–23rd Street F/V station

Overheard by: emma jackson

Posted on April 24, 2019
Anger Management, At the Airport, Drinking & Drunk People, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Ain't Got the Money, Honey

Older man, to no one in particular: That's why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.

–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn

Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can't spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!

–Staten Island Ferry

Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You're broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M-u-g! Rhymes with "thug"!

–Chambers & West St

Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain't got no money. I got weed, but I ain't got no money.

–25th St & 7th Ave

Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Posted on April 17, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fashion, Food, Friends, Height, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Puerto Ricans, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Teens, The Village, Thievery, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women, Words

The Ignorance of Some Wednesday One-liners

Preppy guy on cell: Where are you?…Malcolm X Boulevard & what?…Jesus. Find someone who looks nice and ask how to get to the 6 train…no, not a white person a nice person…well, a nice white person would be ideal…okay, call me back.

–86th & Lex

Posted on March 29, 2019
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Preppies, Public Transportation, Race

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa

Posted on March 19, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Education, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Lies, Love, Marriage, On Cell, On the Subway, Players, Politics, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

Hope You Had a Happy Independence Day, NY

A couple watched the fireworks.

Wife: Oh my god! They was so close! I got ashes in my hair! Ashes in my face! They were all over the fucking place!
Husband: Too bad they weren’t shootin’ off corned beef!

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Gurnsonian the Lesser

Guy: The smell of fireworks always reminds me of fucking a dead hooker.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dan

Stewardess: To all US citizens aboard this flight, happy 4th of July. We would like to thank England for divorcing us several centuries ago and giving us our independence!

–JFK flight into Heathrow

Overheard by: Jeanne Fu

Girl #1: Are you able to go on your roof to watch the Macy’s fireworks?
Girl #2: I don’t even know if my building has a roof.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Room 3

Girl on cell: How the hell am I supposed to know what time the fireworks start? Who do you think I am, America?

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on March 15, 2019
Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Holidays, Marriage, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Sex, Williamsburg

On Cell