Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Posted on October 15, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Firemen, Food, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Men, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Relationships, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Posted on October 13, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Magic, MoMA, Moms, More museums, Old People, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Queer guys, Threats, Tweens, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners Are Not Very Good People

Man on cell: Well, she wants a two bedroom in a great neighborhood and all this other shit…Where the hell does she think she’s moving to? She couldn’t find a place like that in New Orleans.

–100th & Broadway

Posted on October 6, 2019
Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Cell Phone Fun

Man on cell: I’ve got an idea. How about you go fuck yourself?…Say what? You don’t think so?

Posted on September 24, 2019
Assholes, Insults, On Cell

Aqua Teen Hunger Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: Nah, don’t even bother callin’ that fuckin’ guy. At 4:59 he pulls the steam whistle and slides down the Brontosaurus tail.

–45th & 7th

Overheard by: Fred F.

Homegirl to another: Yo, you remind me of my nigga, SpongeBob!

–125th & Amsterdam

20-something babe: Optimus Prime is my boyfriend!

–Union Square cinema

Suit: The winter after I graduated college I watched a lot of Cartoon Network.

–8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: jonesy

Girl: Yeah, you know, it’s just like the time I dyed myself blue, only the guy I was with was colorblind so he couldn’t even tell! Hey, haven’t you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a Smurf?

–1 train

Fat professor: In order to avoid economic loss you have to look deeper than the average bear.

–Pace University

Overheard by: random student

Posted on September 13, 2019
Ghetto Chicks, On Cell, Suits, Teachers/Professors, TV

Wednesday One-Liners Do Dallas

Hobo: I was an extra in the movie [inaudible] Times Square, man! Did you see it? I was the one down on my knees screaming, ‘I’m a born-again porno addict!’

–N train

Man on cell: Yo, dude, I don’t know what to get! They got all kinds of shit in there!

–Outside adult video store, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: Sarah

Hot chick on cell: Why are you so stressed?! This sounds like a good thing! Don’t be so serious about it! It’ll be okay! Here, did you know there’s an animal rights group called ‘Porn Stars for Pups’?

–The Black Sheep

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, pushing by couple with baby in stroller: I’m not going to California! I pay her twelve hundred dollars per hour. If she doesn’t sleep with Niko, then fire her! I lost a hundred thirty-eight fucking grand yesterday! Tell her what to do, and deal with it!

–Horatio & Hudson

Overheard by: Stephen Lindsay

Angry girl to friend: Seriously, Chris, can’t we go one day without talking about shizer porn?!

–East Village

Posted on August 27, 2019
Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Default, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Poop, Porn, Store, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova

Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!

–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.

–Bus

Overheard by: liz

Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!

–Food Stamp Office, 14th St

Overheard by: Erica Schreiner

African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.

–30th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: mike v

Posted on August 27, 2019
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Cell Phone, Family Ties, Fitness, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Retards & Handicaps, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

He Put His Foot in His Mouth One Time Too Many

Teen girl on cell: So, where are you? So, what happened? Not to your shoe! In the hospital?!

–Central Park

Overheard by: concerned trespasser

Posted on August 7, 2019
Accidents, Central Park, Default, Girls, On Cell, Questions, Shoes, Teens

Wednesday One-liners’ Fashion Emergency

Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m going to dress her up in outfits again and make her dance.

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: kt

Posted on August 4, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Dancing, Guys, On Cell, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Posted on June 8, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Bus, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Frat Boys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

On Cell