Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Dads, Erections, Ethnic Food, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Height, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Previously He Thought She Was a Muppet.

Girl: I can't believe he's being such an asshole to me! I've enriched his life so much!
Friend: Yeah?
Girl: Yeah! It's because of me that he knows who Lady Gaga is!

–R Train

Overheard by: Soyeon

Posted on July 31, 2010
About Celebrities, Friends, Girls, Insults, Music, On the Subway, Relationships

Another Conversation Comes to a Split End

Pretty brunette: Oh my god! I haven't seen you in forever! Look at you, you dyed your hair. It looks great!
Pretty blonde: Oh, thanks! Hah, yeah, I did it a year ago. I wanted to change things up a little.
Pretty brunette, in jest: So, is it true? Do you have more fun now?
Pretty blonde, sighing earnestly: Ugh. Kind of, but it's always short-lived. I actually have a lot of hookups with guys who have no interest in ever seeing me again after that. It kind of sucks. And actually, this definitely started when I dyed my hair…
Pretty brunette: Oh, uhm, I was kind of joking.
Pretty blonde: Yeah, well… I wasn't.
Pretty brunette, uncomfortably: Oh.

–86th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: a blonde who hasn't noticed this

Posted on July 29, 2010
Bimbettes, Hair, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

But My Wrench Keeps Getting Stuck in Her Undercarriage

Girl, holding guy's hand: Are you dating anyone?
Guy: No.
Girl: I thought you were…
Guy: I have an ex.
Girl: Oh, okay.
Guy: That I've tinkered with for about a month…

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Chris K.

Posted on July 28, 2010
Dating, Girls, Guys, Questions, Relationships, Williamsburg

…And Started Having Kids!

Woman: Well, now that I know you go to Brooklyn…
Man: Shit, I don't go to Brooklyn anymore! That bitch got sober!

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Posted on July 22, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, Men, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Women

We Pause for a Wednesday One-Liners Public Service Announcement

Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: All good questions

Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?

–Waverly & University Place

Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?

–G Train

Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?

–W 4th St

Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her

Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on July 21, 2010
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Frenemy: Defined

Cute girl: Let's go somewhere tonight where we can dance.
Prettier friend: How 'bout a gay club?
Cute girl: Ugh, no! You always want to go to gay clubs! I want to meet cute straight guys. You have a boyfriend but I have to go places where I can meet guys who are actually interested in me. So can we please just once go to a straight club? I'd like to not be invisible.
Prettier friend: Yeah, except when you stand next to me you'll be invisible anyway.

–Cafeteria, Chelsea

Overheard by: Aghast

Posted on July 18, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Physical appearance, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors

Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.

–SVA George Washington Dorms

Overheard by: Nicole

Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?

–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.

–Broadway & E 7th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.

–A Train

Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!

–6th Ave & 13th St

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Comebacks, Death, Dildos and Vibrators, Drugs, Elevators, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Nostalgia, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, BJs, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Internet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Lies, Marriage, Men, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Relationships