Well-endowed woman: Is this one of those fancy uplift bras?
Salesperson: Yes, ma'am, it is.
Well-endowed woman: All right, but if I get home and my titties still sag I'm gonna be mad at you!
–Victoria's Secret
Well-endowed woman: Is this one of those fancy uplift bras?
Salesperson: Yes, ma'am, it is.
Well-endowed woman: All right, but if I get home and my titties still sag I'm gonna be mad at you!
–Victoria's Secret
Little kid: We're going to the city to get mommy titties!
–LIRR Train
Punk chick: This thing needs bazooms. I'm a punker chick with itty bitties.
–Midtown Office
Girl to female friend: Hey, did you know today is the three-year anniversary of my boobs?
–Union Square
Crazy lady trying to exchange a shirt: I can't go to work with my tits hanging out!
–Abercrombie & Fitch
Overheard by: me neither.
Chick on cell: In his defense, I forget about breasts, too.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Cop to another: So she said, "see ya later, alligator." To which I retorted, "in a while, crocodile."
–Cunningham Park, Queens
Girl on cell: That was the day I woke up with the pigeon in my bed!
–Christopher St
Law school chick, stopping and staring at pigeon in her path: You go girl!
–East Village
Girl on intercom: Llama needed at the Oyster Bar ramp for a spill!
–Grand Central
Suit to friend: I mean, I don't understand. If people really want to pay like $30,000 to hunt them, I don't see what the problem is.
–Bronx Zoo
Curly grey-haired middle aged crafty lady: If you let them have sex with goats, they'll leave children alone!
–Crafts Fair, Red Hook Fairway
Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton
20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.
–159th & Broadway
Overheard by: morgan
Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: bRonwyn
20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!
–7 Train
Overheard by: becky z-dub
Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?
–Bedford & 8th
20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!
–Coffee shop, Crown Heights
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!
–Great Hall, Cooper Union
Overheard by: NYUTSOA12
Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Dazzle
Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich
Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!
–45th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Culturally Challenged
20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.
–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant
Overheard by: elephantgiraffe
Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.
–McCarren Park Pool
Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people
Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."
–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave
Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: J.D.
Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!
–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?
Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.
–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings
Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: MattyB
Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.
–31st St & 7th Ave
30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?
–D Train
Guy #1 to guy #2, who has just dropped a cigarette: You just littered.
Guy #2: It was a cigarette, that's not trash!
–Fashion District
Boyfriend: We are not getting a Down's Syndrome pet!
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: You know, a pet you buy when you're down. We're not getting one!
Girlfriend: But I feel vulnerable and want to exert my will over something.
Boyfriend: No!
–Outside Petland Discounts, W 23rd St
Pretty lady: Are you telling me that the all the times you've ever been to New York, you've never been to a museum?
Foreigner: No.
Pretty lady: What the hell is wrong with you? How do you spend your time in the city?
Foreigner: Macy's and Bloomingdale's!
–6 Train
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
–SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.
–The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
–Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
–GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
–43rd & Madison
