30-something woman with shopping bags: I've decided the theme for my new apartment is “ah!” you know?
Legging-wearing friend: Yeah! How are you going to decorate?
30-something woman with shopping bags: I'm thinking very minimalist, you know, very simple. I'm getting two flat-screen TVs.
–Union Station
Overheard by: Aidan
20-something girl: I'm an anti-feminist. It's not that women shouldn't be allowed to work, it's just that they shouldn't be expected to work.
20-something boy: Everyone works. Animals work. Do you have any idea how many eggs a chicken lays every day? Or how much milk comes out from a cow? That's why vegans don't like dairy products, because the cows are overworked.
20-something girl: I don't like dairy products because of this reason: human milk is for baby humans, and cow's milk is for baby cows. I don't really care how many eggs a chicken lays, though.
–Uptown A Train
Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something.
–Columbia University
Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…
–Columbia
Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia.
–Bikram Yoga, Harlem
Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear?
–Carman Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading
Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.
–Allen & Delancy
Overheard by: wba2101
Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.
–Times Square
Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!
–8th St & Greene
Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!
–Uptown A Train
20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.
–4th St & Ave B
Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?
–Central Park
Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.
–46th St & Madison Ave
Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?
–Union Square
Skater boy: Most things aren't true.
–72nd St & Amsterdam
Wife: Why are the boys wearing skirts?
Husband: Those aren't skirts. They're kilts. It's the uniform for pipers.
Wife: Oh. I didn't know that was a religion.
–W 46th St
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Young Chinese girl: Nigga!
Mother: Don't say that! You not one of those.
–Produce Market, Forsyth St.
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Tourist girl: So how do you know which stop is which? Is this our stop?
Tourist boy: No, this is 50th, see? We're going to 81st.
Tourist girl: We'll be on here forever!
Tourist boy: It won't take long.
Tourist girl: So it stops at every street?
Tourist boy: What? No, it doesn't make a stop at every street. What would that…
Tourist girl, interrupting: It better not! Can I play a game?
Tourist boy: No, you can't. It's my phone. Maybe you should get one like it.
Tourist girl: Let me see it. What game is this?
Tourist boy: That's the map, remember? You said you didn't understand how to work it?
Tourist girl: Oh, yeah. Is this our stop?
Tourist boy: No, this is 59th St.
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: Annearchist
Male black teen #1: You sound ign'ant.
Male black teen #2: I ain't ign'ant, you ign'ant!
Male black teen #1: You said “truesfully” and there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
Male black teen #2: I didn't say “truesfully,” I know there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: NewYorkLaw
