Guy #1: The beach has been really big this summer.
Guy #2: They beach is big every summer.
–20th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Barrett
Guy #1: The beach has been really big this summer.
Guy #2: They beach is big every summer.
–20th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Barrett
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.
–Soho
Overheard by: Nicole Q
Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?
–45th St
Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Canucking Futs
Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.
–Williamsburg
Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.
–Q Train
Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.
–Restaurant, Williamsburg
30-something woman with shopping bags: I've decided the theme for my new apartment is “ah!” you know?
Legging-wearing friend: Yeah! How are you going to decorate?
30-something woman with shopping bags: I'm thinking very minimalist, you know, very simple. I'm getting two flat-screen TVs.
–Union Station
Overheard by: Aidan
20-something girl: I'm an anti-feminist. It's not that women shouldn't be allowed to work, it's just that they shouldn't be expected to work.
20-something boy: Everyone works. Animals work. Do you have any idea how many eggs a chicken lays every day? Or how much milk comes out from a cow? That's why vegans don't like dairy products, because the cows are overworked.
20-something girl: I don't like dairy products because of this reason: human milk is for baby humans, and cow's milk is for baby cows. I don't really care how many eggs a chicken lays, though.
–Uptown A Train
Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something.
–Columbia University
Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…
–Columbia
Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia.
–Bikram Yoga, Harlem
Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear?
–Carman Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading
Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.
–Allen & Delancy
Overheard by: wba2101
Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.
–Times Square
Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!
–8th St & Greene
Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!
–Uptown A Train
20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.
–4th St & Ave B
Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?
–Central Park
Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.
–46th St & Madison Ave
Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?
–Union Square
Skater boy: Most things aren't true.
–72nd St & Amsterdam
Wife: Why are the boys wearing skirts?
Husband: Those aren't skirts. They're kilts. It's the uniform for pipers.
Wife: Oh. I didn't know that was a religion.
–W 46th St
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
