Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!

–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side

Overheard by: globalvillageidiot

Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rei

Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!

–13th St & University

Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!

–1 Train

Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!

–52nd & 6th

Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

Posted on May 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bag ladies, Cum, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

If It Conflicts with the Barney's Sale, We're Gonna Have a Problem

Elegant woman in business suit: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I just wanted to let you all know that Jesus will be arriving soon.
Tired worker: Sure lady, one moment. Let me get out my datebook.

–6 Train

Overheard by: hunterboy

Posted on May 2, 2009
9 to 5-ers, God Squad, On the Subway, Suits, Time, Wishes & desires

And Why Are You Wearing That Silly Human Suit?

Suit to man with cat on his head: Why is there a cat on your head?
Man with cat on his head: Why isn't there a cat on your head, douchebag?

–Union Square

Posted on April 28, 2009
Comebacks, Gay Man's Best Friend, Men, Physical appearance, Questions, Suits, Union Square and East Village

Genius Is 1% Inspiration and 99% Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.

–69th & York

Overheard by: Eugene

Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.

–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker

Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.

–C train

Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.

–Thompson & Spring

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Religion, Soho, Suits, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

I Spent a Semester Abroad There

Suit: Have you ever been to Ali Baba's?
Brunette: Ew, why would I go there?
Suit: I don't know, I heard the food is good…
Brunette: Oh! Ali Baba the restaurant? I thought you meant Ali Baba the country.

–34th St

Posted on April 19, 2009
Girls, Global Geography, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Suits

Freud: Hmmmm…

Female suit at sink to friend in stall: Oh, yeah! I saw a stainless steel toilet seat cover today, and it made me think of you!
Woman in stall, delighted: Oh, yay!
(both laugh fondly)

–Women's Restroom, Financial District

Overheard by: nowhere near the corrections department..

Posted on April 18, 2009
Friends, Laughter, Relationships, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Feel Trapped in a One-Liner's Body

Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!

–Port Authority Bus Station

Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?

–N Train

Overheard by: Tater

Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center

Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?

–31st b/w 9th &10th

Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Compliments, Cops, Crazies, Family Ties, Film, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Punch, Sexuality, Suits, Threats, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Passion Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Molly Moo

Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.

–Office Building, 8th Ave

Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open

Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Amber Star

Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Ferna

Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!

–14th St Regal Cinemas

Overheard by: laughing despite herself

Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Shringle

Posted on March 18, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Classroom, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Music, Office, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Then Go Fuck Yourself

Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the garden is?
Bored looking suit: Ma'am, this is a stadium.
Tourist woman: You asswipe, I can see that, I'm asking where the garden is!
Bored looking suit: Lady… Look, I'm not going to lie to you. It's two blocks down.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Joel Moore

Posted on March 14, 2009
Directions, Insults, Lies, Madison Square Garden, Questions, Suits, Tourism, Tourists

Does This Wednesday Go to One-Liner Street?

Four-year old to his father, dreamily: Let's go on the u train! The beautiful u train!

–D Line

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy girl to friend: I hope there's an exit at this station.

–96th St Station

Amiable suit, answering cell: Hi, hon. (pause) Well, I can't talk long–I have to drive this train.

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Little boy: Is this train going to move, or what?

–Transit Museum

Overheard by: Rita

MTA worker in booth, over intercom: Hello everyone. The cost to ride the subway is $2. Only $2. The woman in that blue leather jacket and red hat thinks it's free. If you are standing next to a woman in a blue leather jacket and a red hat, tell her she needs to pay her toll like everyone else.

–6 Train Station

Posted on March 11, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Dads, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Kids, Money & Class, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Wishes & desires

Suits