Chinese man in rice hat passing out fliers, to man’s spaniel: Monkey, monkey, monkey.
Fat, bald owner to dog: Don’t talk to him.
–W Houston & Thompson
Overheard by: J&M
Chinese man in rice hat passing out fliers, to man’s spaniel: Monkey, monkey, monkey.
Fat, bald owner to dog: Don’t talk to him.
–W Houston & Thompson
Overheard by: J&M
Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…
–Nathan's, West 32nd St
Overheard by: SuzeV
Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!
–96th and Broadway
Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.
–jet blue terminal, jfk
Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients
Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.
–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit
Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months!
–E 9th St & University Place
Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012
Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl.
–F Train
Overheard by: office peon
Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby!
–Gee Whiz, Tribeca
Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage!
–Uptown 2 Train
Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments.
–96th & Broadway
Art Dealer: Have you been following the election? Are you going to vote?
Man: They both suck.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Ray Hannigan
Suit on cell: Never make any decisions after drinking two pitchers of beer. After the first one, I was like "okay, this is what I'm doing." But after the second one, I ended up as director of the D.C. United Way. At first, I wasn't too worried, because I figured they'd give me a drug test, and I knew I wouldn't pass.
–6 Train
Hopeful-looking guy to concerned-looking guy: Basically, you're not ready to be an alcoholic, so you should stay away from alcohol.
–Polk St
Girl to guy friend: She's a great drunk. She's probably one of the best people to hang out with when she's drunk.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: T
Hawker: It's happy hour! Come on up, and I'll watch your kids while you get drunk.
–Planet Hollywood
Girl, during lunch: I'm not drunk anymore!
–W 4th & University Place
Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.
–K-Mart, 34th St
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.
–100th St & Broadway
Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ayenbird
Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.
–14th St & 7th Ave
Stoner guy, as it begins to rain: Dude, what is this shit?
Other guy: Um, rain?
Stoner guy: … Man, I got a bad feeling about this…
–Broadway & Bleecker
Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!
–Grand Central
Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!
–TGI Fridays
Overheard by: Sara
Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hannah
Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.
–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: jmike
Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!
–96th St station
Overheard by: Kind of Confused
20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
White guy: Honestly, this sounds crazy, but I've never been able to find actual porn on the internet.
Asian girl, indignant: Dude. You just google “porn.”
–Bleecker St
Guy #1: They don’t have my supplement here.
Guy #2: Try the health food store.
Guy #1: I would, but every time I go in there that woman tries to clean my aura.
–CVS, Bleecker Street
