Thuggy white girl: I don't know why she complaining so much, I mean, they don't hurt that bad.
Skater chick: She just bein' a drama queen.
Thuggy white girl: I know! I mean…everybody got crabs.
–E 9th St & 2nd Ave
Thuggy white girl: I don't know why she complaining so much, I mean, they don't hurt that bad.
Skater chick: She just bein' a drama queen.
Thuggy white girl: I know! I mean…everybody got crabs.
–E 9th St & 2nd Ave
Thug: Hey! (gestures to Asian worker behind counter at convenience store) You look good, man.
Asian worker, in thick foreign accent: What? What you say to me?
Thug: I said, you look good.
Asian worker: What, what you saying to me?
Thug: Keep doing whatever you're doing, man. (leaves store)
Asian worker, dropping accent: Fuckin' crackahs. (sees white girl waiting at counter) Oh, shit, sorry, not you.
–Myrtle Ave & Classon Ave, Brooklyn
Large, intimidating thug: So you think you're grown up, huh? You think you're a man?
Small boy: (nods)
Large, intimidating thug: Then why don't you get a job? Move out?
Small boy: Cause I love you!
Large, intimidating thug, more quietly: Well, I love you too.
–Downtown A Train
Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…
Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!
–Broadway & 32nd St
Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.
–94th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Dan Rosen
Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!
–Fulton Street Mall
Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"
–4/5 Train
Overheard by: Whitey
Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.
–NYU
Overheard by: brooklyn1234
Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good.
–ER, Saint Vincent Hospital
Overheard by: Dustin
Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup.
–96th & Columbus Ave
Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great!
–East Village
Overheard by: Erin
Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit.
–R Train
Overheard by: what the hell?
Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot.
–116th & Broadway
Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu!
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amused Freshman
Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here!
–42nd & Park Ave
Overheard by: AwkwardTwig
Thug: So growing up, he used to be this little guy with a fat face, all squinched up, with a huge mushroom haircut. And then high school hits, and bam! He grows his hair long…
Thugette: I know! He's like Jesus Christ! Oh my god!
Thug: Yeah! If you gave him a haircut and a little shape-up, he'd totally be Jesus.
Thugette, laughing hysterically: You think Jesus was getting a shape-up all the time? I don't think Jesus needed no shape-up!
–1 Train
Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.
–Fox News Breakroom
Overheard by: CreateEvity
College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?
Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.
–123rd & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!
–Lafayette & White
Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine
Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?
–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Thugette flight attendant, yelling as plane is about to take off: Sir! Turn off yo laptop!
Suit: (holds cord to show it's not plugged in)
Thugette flight attendant: Uh-uh! I can see the reflection in yo glasses.
Suit: (takes off headphones)
Thugette flight attendant: I saaaaid I can see the reflection in yo glasses, turn yo laptop off, turn it off, turn it oooooooooooooff!
Suit: (shuts laptop)
–Small Commuter Plane Leaving JFK
Tween thug #1: Yo, Beth Israel hospital. You gotta be a Jew to go there? Haha!
Tween thug #2, somberly: No. My grandmother was in there.
Tween thug #1: Oh. I'm sorry… Shit! Look, that's where we got arrested! They cuffed me on that corner!
Tween thug #2: Yo, what time is it?
Tween thug #1: 5:11. (pause) Oh damn, my momma told me I had to be home at 5! She gonna kill me.
–B82 Bus
Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.
–Houston Street
