Wednesday One-Liners (No Homo)

Professor: Let's take a poll: who thinks I am gay?

–Lehman College

Flamboyant gay guy to butch gay guy: You, like, sneeze glitter. That's how gay you are!

–9th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: TR

Daughter to sobbing mother: Mom! Seriously, stop! I'm going to slap you. (mom continues sobbing) I'm not gay! Relax, okay?

–New Utrecht High School

Overheard by: Straight girl

Tween girl to friend: He's 17 years old and he doesn't have any kids? What? Is he gay?

–A Train

Teenage boy: Even if it's with a girl, it's still gay.

–L Train

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on June 24, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, College, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Threats, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?

Tween kid: Dude, my mom wants to buy a fucking cow, and she's gonna put it on our apartment roof. (laughs) Thats her “dream” of a farm. I fucking hope she's kidding.
Tween friend: Dude, have you ever tried capers on Cheez-Its?

–Queens

Posted on June 20, 2009
Animals & Nature, Dreams, Food, Friends, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Laughter, Parents, Queens, Tweens, Wishes & desires

Hey, Can I Help That I'm a Planner?

12-year-old boy: Hey guys! We are gonna take a day this summer and just do stuff! Like have sex and stuff!
9-year-old boy: That's all you ever talk about!

–Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ahahahahahahahaha

Posted on June 16, 2009
Brooklyn, Holidays, Kids, Sex, Tweens, Weirdness

Raise Your Hand If You Still Know the Theme Song

Tween #1: Susan Sarandon…why do I know that name?
Tween #2: Wasn't she on Step by Step?
Tween #1: Oh my god, I loved that show!

–The Barrymore Theatre, where Susan Sarandon Stars in Exit The King

Posted on June 13, 2009
About Celebrities, Names, Questions, Theater, TV, Tweens

If Worse Comes to Worse, We Can Pacify Them with Beer

Preteen boy, on his way to St. Patrick's Parade: Mommy, how long do we have to be on this train?
Mother: A few minutes.
Preteen boy: Mommy! This is like when the Nazis took all those people to concentration camps!
Mother: Yeah, but they were German, these people are Irish.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: Shane

Posted on May 29, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Hitler/Nazis, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Tweens

But I Have a Jellyfish Bite!

Drunk preteen girl #1, dragging friend across room: Don't touch her hand!
Drunk preteen girl #2: Why not?
Drunk preteen girl #1: Cause she just peed on it!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Allison T

Posted on May 25, 2009
Advice, Body Parts, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Pee, Penn Station, Tweens

The Republic Of Jeans Isn't a Democracy, Chuckie

Dad to kids on freezing day: Who wants to go in this jeans store to get warm?
Preteen girl: I love jeans!
Slightly younger girl: I love jeans!
Little brother: I hate jeans! (starts to cry)

–Broadway & Spring St

Posted on May 24, 2009
Clothing, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Gripes, Kids, Soho, Tweens, Wishes & desires

I Was Supposed to Make Dessert!

Tween thug #1: Yo, Beth Israel hospital. You gotta be a Jew to go there? Haha!
Tween thug #2, somberly: No. My grandmother was in there.
Tween thug #1: Oh. I'm sorry… Shit! Look, that's where we got arrested! They cuffed me on that corner!
Tween thug #2: Yo, what time is it?
Tween thug #1: 5:11. (pause) Oh damn, my momma told me I had to be home at 5! She gonna kill me.

–B82 Bus

Posted on May 10, 2009
Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Health and Hygiene, Judaism, Murder, On the Bus, Parents, Thugs, Time, Tweens

And Their Hit Song “Wash with Like Colors”

Jappy tween talking to girl with BCBG shirt: Oh my god, that shirt is so cool!
Jappy tween with BCBG shirt: I know, I love that band!

–Union Square

Overheard by: ticked off AC/DC fan

Posted on May 4, 2009
Clothing, Compliments, JAPs, Music, Stupidity, Tweens, Union Square and East Village

God, I Miss Middle School.

Tween girl #1: Yeah, I was naked.
Tween guy: Why wasn't I there?
Tween girl #2: We were all taking showers together.
Tween girl #1: Yeah, I was drunk.
Tween girl #2: On champagne.
Tween girl #1: Yeah, I was raped.
Tween girl #2: Oh right, that was a fun night.

–Europa Cafe, Penn Station

Posted on April 26, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Nudity, Penn Station, Questions, Rape, Restaurants & Cafes, Tweens

Tweens