College girl #1, yelling up to window: I want your services!
College girl #2, from window: I keep telling you I'm not gay! Get over it!
–171st & Fort Washington
College girl #1, yelling up to window: I want your services!
College girl #2, from window: I keep telling you I'm not gay! Get over it!
–171st & Fort Washington
Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up.
–Belmont Park Race Track
20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Mike
Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet!
–Belmont Ave & 188th St
Overheard by: Toomuchinformation
Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas.
–W 204th St
Overheard by: JMS
Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"!
–Central Park
Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here.
–186th St & Bennet Ave
Overheard by: Rina
Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: MR T
Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer.
–Union Square
Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together.
–Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave
Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'!
–Greenmarket
Man in cowboy hat, looking at large crowd surrounding a Jew for Jesus: Man, I can't compete with religion, all I got are card tricks! This sucks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SilentRaver
Guy on cell: Why, is it because it's the blacks? (pause) Oh, I get it. It's the Baptists.
–Cosi, 13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Heather
Crazy creepster, going up to Catholic girls and screaming: Catholic schoolgirls rule!
–R Train
Overheard by: Amanduh
Tall, 40-something guy on cell: I don't know… I don't think I can go drunk to church.
–53rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Midtown Schmidtown
Woman: My husband is pissed because I skipped church for this shit!
–Medieval Festival, Ft. Tryon Park
Guy to girl smoking cigarette: Didn't your mother tell you smoking is bad for you?
Girl: Didn't your mother tell you never to talk to strangers?
–181st & Broadway
Gay guy to friend: I woke up this morning with a condom hanging out my butt. Was that you?
–Madison Square Park
Gay 30-something: Ugh, Borat quotes are like the UGG boot of conversation.
–Broadway & Spring
Really gay guy to friend: You don't know about the Holy Trinity? It's Liza, Judy and Barbra!
–Fort Washington Ave. & 183rd St
Overheard by: RED
Flamboyant gay: My hair's too straight. I need to gay it up a bit.
–Bryant Park
Flamboyant guy: My life in New York has been more fabulous than I ever thought! I almost hit Elaine Stritch with a car this weekend!
–W 18th St
Overheard by: Dan Friedman
Three-year-old boy: Mommy, I want a little brother, let's get one.
Mom: You can't just go to the store to get a baby.
Seven-year-old girl: I know where babies come from.
Mom: Oh, man!
Three-year-old boy: From where?
Seven-year-old girl: God. God made everything, people and animals.
Three-year-old boy: Who's god?
Seven-year-old girl: I don't know, some dead guy who lives in heaven.
–Riverbank State Park
Overheard by: Darin
Mother to teenage burnout daughter, holding corn pops: I'm not buying these for you… they're like styrofoam!
Teenage burnout daughter, yelling down aisle: They're delicious! And I dreamed about them last night!
(mother puts cereal back into cart and dances to her cell phone ringtone)
–Gristedes, 168th St
Student to professor: Yeah, man, you know, because every time I slap you five, now I feel like I'm slapping your father's ass.
–Suffolk County Community College
Overheard by: Wish I was paying attention
Trashy sista' on cell: Did you know you've been nominated for an award? (pause) Yeah, I know! I mean, it's just nice to even be nominated, issa' honor. Yeah, you wanna know whacha been nominated for? You been nominated for the world's biggest deadbeat daddy!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: I don't work here
Demi-bum to another, looking at postcards at a convenience store: Oh, I want to send a postcard to my father: Doing shitty, wish you cared!
–Fulton & Water
Teen girl to friend: Of course I got him tested!…but he wasn't the father either.
–145th & Broadway
Guard: Did you hear about that 9-year-old girl who gave birth to her own twin? I'm serious! It was inside her stomach and then she gave birth to it. And the craziest part is that the twin was from another father!
–74th & Madison
Latina girl to friend: You know, I don't even know what I saw in that loser. I should've dumped his ass the first time he tried hitting on my dad!
–58th & 6th
Overheard by: Tim J.
Disheveled middle aged man: You are drunk! You are drunk! You are drunk!
Drunk disheveled middle aged woman, leaning against car: Don't you ever call my mother on Mother's Day again.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: Tess
