I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Posted on June 8, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Bus, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Frat Boys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Darker Side of Wednesday One-liners

Woman: You need to swim as much as possible to keep the evil away.

–Riverbank State Park

Guy: Don’t they have a special section for people in jail?

–Hallmark, 23rd Street

Overheard by: nj

Grandfather: If you don’t listen, I’m never taking you anyplace else dangerous again.

–Belvedere Castle

Guy: Yeah, I had to put my foot down. I decided it’s not okay for my kids to play with firearms anymore.

–4 train

Suit on cell: Blood is very, very chic.

–85th & Lexington

Overheard by: Harri

Guy on cell: How should I know who’s going to be there?…Why do you care who’s going to be there? It’s a funeral, not a fucking social event.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ciaran

Woman on cell: Dude, I have a shagadelic aura, because they fucked all night when they were here. That’s why I sold them.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Selenay

Suit: Man, I was upstate last week, fuck that clean air shit.

–62nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Tabitha

Guy: We’re all Cannabis. We get the chance, we’ll eat each other.

–Kudo Beans, 1st Avenue

Queer: Oh, I forgot to fucking tell you. I sold my soul for $150.

–Christopher Street

Posted on June 6, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Death, Money & Class, Prison, Sports, Stupidity, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday RU-486-Liners

Guy on cell: That's the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like "if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain't helping you with that shit." I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.

–N Train

Overheard by: Jill

30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.

–Abortion Clinic, Queens

Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there's 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!

–W Train

Posted on May 29, 2019
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Family Ties, Guys, Hospitals, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Preachers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-liners Sparkle and Shine

Hipster on cell: Okay. After my nap. Call me from the park once you are covered in glitter and I will come down.

–14th & B

Hipster chick: I’m totally boycotting the sun this summer.

–L train

Overheard by: Matt Ferrin

Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m concerned, I am the star of a Broadway musical.”

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Bridget Unnel

Posted on May 24, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Directions, Pop Culture, Singing, Theater & Dance, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Hey, Wednesday, Your One-Liner Is Showing!

Middle-aged woman, angrily on cell: You tell him to go outside right now, and take his clothes off!

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: djlori

Girl to friend: All of a sudden there's a naked man! Like, this doesn't translate well visually.

–Uptown 1 Train

Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?

–60th St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Stacey V

Girl on phone: Topless anarchy is still anarchy, man.

–5 Train

Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!

–Columbia University

Posted on May 10, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kink, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Prostitution, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Freshly-Minted Wednesday One-Liners

Annoying Jersey girl on cell: I'm not frugal. I'm, like, not frugal with a vengeance. I, like, refuse to consider money.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Hobo

Columbia University administrator: It gets difficult to manage finances as your endowment reaches the size of the GDP of a small country.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Senatore

Bike messenger (yelling): Could anybody spare $50,000?

–6th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: thiess

Man: I mean, what does does she *really* get out of riding a five thousand dollar scooter?

–Outside Think Coffee

Overheard by: nemily

Suit on cell: You see, the thing with money counters is they jam…and when you are in a roomful of illiterate afghans, there's 8 million on the table and they mistrust you.

–Mercer & Grand

Professor: I bet none of you wrote that in your admissions essay. "I want money." Actually, that might be successful. They might think, "hey, that's pretty cool, they're telling the truth."

–NYU Law

Posted on May 8, 2019
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Men, Money & Class, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Street, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Have You Seen Wednesday? It's Totally Had Its One-Liners Done.

Woman on cell: I can't believe no one said anything… How could no one notice? It used to be sooooo crooked, and I spend all this money to get my nose fixed, and no one says anything?

–Norfolk & Houston

50-year-old lady: So are you still down for the Brazilian wax?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuch

Little girl, pointing at someone having their eyebrows threaded: Look! They're sewing that woman's face!

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: kenzi

Orange lady: Is it like you definitely, for sure get cancer from a tanning bed? Cause then I might stop.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Alexis

Posted on May 4, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cancer, Kids, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nose Job, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Parapraxic Wednesday One-Liners

Guy: I had to swallow… The whole thing!

–9th Ave & 44th St

Big guy: Did I tell you? The other weekend I caught Jack’s sausage!

–Duane Reed, Jackson Heights
Queens

Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair

Girl, on firefighters packing equipment: Man, there’s a lot of hose out there!

–Hanover Square

Customer: If I’m going to pay 20 dollars for a piece of meat, the least they can do is give me something to wipe my face with.

–45th & Madison

Overheard by: madnyc

One mother to another, both pushing strollers: He just won’t suck on anything else!

–5th Ave between 8th & 9th St
Park Slope

Overheard by: Wankrupt

Dad instructing child: You kind of have to use your tongue to lap it up into your mouth.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: vm

Twelve-year-old girl on phone: There’s really a lake called Titty CaCa!

–8th Ave &16th St

Posted on April 21, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Innuendo, Private Parts, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Ain't Got the Money, Honey

Older man, to no one in particular: That's why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.

–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn

Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can't spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!

–Staten Island Ferry

Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You're broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M-u-g! Rhymes with "thug"!

–Chambers & West St

Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain't got no money. I got weed, but I ain't got no money.

–25th St & 7th Ave

Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.

–Bleecker & Mercer