Man #1: So I'm lookin down there, and I see my girlfriend tugging at her crotch.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: Well, it turns out she was masturbating with a banana, and she squashed it and it exploded inside of her! Haha!
Man #2: That's completely disgusting, your girlfriend is a freak and you should reconsider licking her butt, like you said you do for her.
–Staten Island
Overheard by: TOOBxSOCKS
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.
–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dara
Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty
–59th St Subway Station
Overheard by: nickporjr
Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.
–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!
–104th & West End
Overheard by: communist!
Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing.
–Court St & 2nd Place
Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina!
–23rd & 7th
Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours!
–Hudson River Bike Path
Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream.
–NYU Dorm, Union Square
Overheard by: Erica Fuld
Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina!
–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave
Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Liz
Girl #1: When she was up on stage, she totally pulled her tampon out and threw it into the crowd.
Girl #2: That’s sick!
Girl #1: I think it’s so cool. I’ve always wanted to do that.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Mike
Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!
–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria
Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood
Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?
–28th & 7th
Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: camillo cavour
Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.
–East Village
Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.
–Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th
Overheard by: Jarett
Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious.
–33rd & 7th
Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight.
–Off-Broadway Theatre
Overheard by: Hannah
Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?
–W Train
Overheard by: sara n.
Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…
Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?
–Chambers St
Overheard by: Shooty
Woman: You have everything?
Man, looking at suitcase and opening box: I think that's it.
Woman: What's in this box?
Man: It's my life. You know: vodka and lotion.
Woman: And toothpaste! Where'd you get that funny toothpaste?
–Elevator, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Along for the ride
Dude #1: Ew, bro, that's incest!
Dude #2, sheepishly: No, it's not…
–W 9th St & 5th Ave
