What Kinda Mileage You Get With That Wednesday One-Liner?

Teen girl, calmly: My nigga, I only got one car, and I need that car to kill my momma.

–125th & 5th

Overheard by: Caroline

Loud Eastern European man to older guy: If I get you car, you get me woman. Woman for fucking! (gestures a jackhammer motion)

–Union Square

Overheard by: BK

Surprised woman: $15,000? Tonya! For $15,000 you could've bought a car, gone to a psychologist and finally learned how to drive!

–Park Ave & 39th St

Girl on cell: He drove his truck into the pool. No…he drove his truck into the pool. So, I just hope it's not because he was doing something stupid.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Pretty Sure He Was Doing Something Stupid

Man on bike on cell: There ain't no peanut butter in the car.

–West 4th & Sullivan St.

Overheard by: Anna P.

Screaming guy, sticking head out of cab during traffic jam: Fucking three inches per hour!

–Greene St, SoHo

Overheard by: seb

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Sex, Soho, Stupidity, Teens, Time, Washington Square Park, Women

Can You Sell Wednesday One-Liners on the Black Market?

Skater kid: Where's my tongue?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Toast

Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.

–B12 Bus

Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?

–M14D Bus

Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!

–R Train

Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?

–Wall St & Broadway

Overheard by: Michael

Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.

–58th & Columbus Circle

Posted on October 15, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Clothing, Compliments, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Lesbians, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sexuality, Skaters, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Does It Burn When You Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?

–R Train

Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?

–Nederlander Theater

Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.

–89th & Broadway

Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!

–Broome St

Overheard by: Kate

Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.

–Classroom, NYU

Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?

–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Posted on October 15, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sex, STDs, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Bottom Line, the Subway Smells a Little Bit Better

Short haired woman: You didn't see in the car?
Little girl: No, no! Tell me, tell me!
Short haired woman: Ask your mother.
Mother: It was like an elephant exploded diarrhea all over the seat.
Little girl: I wanna see! I wanna see!

–A Train

Posted on October 11, 2008
Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Poop, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women

So How's Your Family? And When'd You Get the Dick?

Man: What the fuck are you doing in here?
Woman: I'm sorry, I just had to pee.
Man: Holy shit! I can't fucking believe it. The first time I see my ex-wife in forty years is in a men's bathroom.

–Picnic House Men's Room, Prospect Park

Posted on October 10, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Marriage, Men, Parks, Pee, Questions, Stall Spies, Time, Weirdness, Women

Which Is, Incidentally, Also My Rapper Name

Man: Hey, is that postcard in 3D?
Woman: Nope. It's just normal d.

–JFK

Posted on October 9, 2008
At the Airport, Default, JFK Airport, Men, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Women, Words

Maverick Wednesday One-Liners Take on the Washington Establishment

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.

–Store, 2nd Ave

Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.

–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st

Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!

–W 3rd & MacDougal St

Overheard by: Matt

60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!

–Penn Station

Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.

–Caroll Gardens

Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.

–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill

Posted on October 8, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Guys, Hobos, Lies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pop Culture, President, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, U.S. Geography, War, White People, Women, Yuppies

Wednesday Had One-Liners for the Tax Exemptions

Ghetto mother to obnoxiously loud child: Stop it! Stop it! I said stop it! Oooh, girl I am gonna sell yo ass for a Lexus and a mansion if you don't stop!

–L Train

Mother to small child lagging behind: Do you want to go home with another family?

–South St Seaport

Overheard by: shopgirl

Grandmother to small grandson: You went potty, Nietzsche? That's very good. Nana is coming over later, Nietzsche.

–Carl Schurz Park

Mother, to kid peeing on street: Michael, we don't pee on other people's doors!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Nikki

Mother, to kid looking at toys: It's not a toilet, it's to make cupcakes.

–Toys "R" US, Times Square

Overheard by: Howie

Father, to five-year-old son: I had no idea you liked AC/DC!

–Penn Station

Mother, to son in stroller watching two shady characters: Oh, a drug deal! Sam*, your first drug deal encounter.

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: andrew daly

Posted on October 8, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Compliments, Dads, Drugs, Etiquette, Ghetto Chicks, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Parks, Pee, Penn Station, Philosophy, Poop, Questions, Store, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

What Wine Goes Best With Wednesday One-Liners?

Haggard-looking middle-aged woman: Hi, yes, I need a refill. I need my Xanax. (short pause) My life is hell.

–CVS Pharmacy, 42nd & 10th Ave

Suit on cell: No mom, I'm not going to just start popping antidepressants without seeing a professional first! Why would you even say that?!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: I'd have prescribed some ritalin for him

MTA conductor over loudspeaker: Hey Bobby! Lay off the steroids, they're making your voice sound funny!

–MTA Harlem Line Train

Overheard by: Nina

Loud suit on cell: Hello? Yes, hi, I'd like to order a Viagra pill. Only one, sir. No, no, just one. Sir, I want only one pill of Viagra, can you do that for me? Can I pick it up tomorrow? Great, thank you. I look forward to seeing you. Take care now, bye bye.

–44th St & 3rd Ave

20-something girl: Whenever I have a bad day, I think "How did Hillary Clinton feel?" and then I don't feel so bad. I mean they must have put her on sedatives to make it through that.

–C Train

Cute girl on cell: Well, tell her if she takes all those pills I'm going to kill her!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: arctinus

Posted on October 8, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Erections, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Psychology, Store, Subway conductors, Suits, Threats, Women

If Only We Could Euthanize You

Loud girl: I'm not gonna move in with him until he gets rid of that damn dog! I'm not gonna let him pull a fast one on me. I'm not commuting two hours to work while that dog lies around the house all day. Hell no! He better get that damn dog euthanized.
Tired-looking, quiet older woman: Sounds like you got him all figured out.

–6 Train

Posted on October 6, 2008
Death, Default, Girls, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Relationships, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Women

Women