Woman #1: They're teaching sex ed in school. But he wasn't understanding what “menstruation” was, so I told him it was like throwing a party, and you put up decorations and make a cake, but no one shows up so you tear it all down and throw it away.
Woman #2: That's clever.
Woman #1: And that premature ejaculation is when everyone shows up to the party two hours too early while you're still getting ready.
–Bench, Central Park
Overheard by: Rebecca
Black lady #1: Do you like cheese?
Black lady #2: Cheese?
Black lady #1: Cheese…
Black lady #2: (…)
Black lady #1: Cheese, cheese!
–New York Port Authority
Overheard by: Igor Petrov
Woman to younger boyfriend: Honey, that Chinese food that you brought over is still in my fridge. I was going to throw it out.
Younger boyfriend: No, I'll eat it.
Woman: You don't think it's gone bad?
Boyfriend: It's only two days old. You're 31, and you haven't gone bad yet.
Woman: That makes no sense, and in any event, you haven't eaten me in a while either.
–Upper East Side
Old nerdy father: How many people are in the world?
Toddler: Um…six billion?
Old nerdy father: You're right! (they high five)
Old black lady, passing by: Oh, hell no!
–68th & 2nd
Overheard by: Colleen
Drunk woman on cell: Come out with us! Don't go to bed. You're a realtor. Realtors don't sleep.
Drunk man, stealing cell phone: Hey–get over here. You're a realtor. You don't sleep, you don't eat. You're a realtor.
–Bleecker & Macdougal
Overheard by: Emily
Woman: But I feel bad hitting you! You're injured!
Man: Oh, stop. I didn't die.
–Staten Island Physician Practice
Overheard by: Green Star
Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!
–3 Train
Overheard by: Kailee McMahon
Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.
–Women's Bathroom, The Met
Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin
Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.
–1501 Broadway
Overheard by: Randi
Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.
–Dunkin Donuts
Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Poogtastic One
Teen girl, calmly: My nigga, I only got one car, and I need that car to kill my momma.
–125th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline
Loud Eastern European man to older guy: If I get you car, you get me woman. Woman for fucking! (gestures a jackhammer motion)
–Union Square
Overheard by: BK
Surprised woman: $15,000? Tonya! For $15,000 you could've bought a car, gone to a psychologist and finally learned how to drive!
–Park Ave & 39th St
Girl on cell: He drove his truck into the pool. No…he drove his truck into the pool. So, I just hope it's not because he was doing something stupid.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Pretty Sure He Was Doing Something Stupid
Man on bike on cell: There ain't no peanut butter in the car.
–West 4th & Sullivan St.
Overheard by: Anna P.
Screaming guy, sticking head out of cab during traffic jam: Fucking three inches per hour!
–Greene St, SoHo
Overheard by: seb
Skater kid: Where's my tongue?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toast
Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.
–B12 Bus
Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?
–M14D Bus
Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!
–R Train
Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?
–Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: Michael
Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.
–58th & Columbus Circle
Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?
–R Train
Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?
–Nederlander Theater
Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.
–89th & Broadway
Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!
–Broome St
Overheard by: Kate
Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.
–Classroom, NYU
Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?
–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
