What Wine Goes Best With Wednesday One-Liners?

Haggard-looking middle-aged woman: Hi, yes, I need a refill. I need my Xanax. (short pause) My life is hell.

–CVS Pharmacy, 42nd & 10th Ave

Suit on cell: No mom, I'm not going to just start popping antidepressants without seeing a professional first! Why would you even say that?!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: I'd have prescribed some ritalin for him

MTA conductor over loudspeaker: Hey Bobby! Lay off the steroids, they're making your voice sound funny!

–MTA Harlem Line Train

Overheard by: Nina

Loud suit on cell: Hello? Yes, hi, I'd like to order a Viagra pill. Only one, sir. No, no, just one. Sir, I want only one pill of Viagra, can you do that for me? Can I pick it up tomorrow? Great, thank you. I look forward to seeing you. Take care now, bye bye.

–44th St & 3rd Ave

20-something girl: Whenever I have a bad day, I think "How did Hillary Clinton feel?" and then I don't feel so bad. I mean they must have put her on sedatives to make it through that.

–C Train

Cute girl on cell: Well, tell her if she takes all those pills I'm going to kill her!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: arctinus

Posted on October 8, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Erections, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Psychology, Store, Subway conductors, Suits, Threats, Women

Oh, Puke, It's Wednesday One-Liners!

Teenybopper: I was going to see Legally Blonde, but then I threw up in Kmart twice.

–Delacourte Theater, before Hair

Overheard by: Morgan

Girl to another: It's easy–you just put your finger down your throat and you vomit!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy on laptop to woman sitting next to him: Sorry if I make throw-up noises, no offense.

–Penn Station, NJ Transit

Overheard by: altaatlantic

Girl on cell: Oh my god. Like if that meal wasn't so expensive, I would have thrown it up!

–3rd Ave & 8th St

Overheard by: rachel

Teenage girl on payphone: Ma? Hey ma? Hold on. (vomits) I'm throwing up! (vomits some more) I *said* I'm (vomits a third time) throwing up. I'm done now. What?

–Wilson Ave, Bushwick

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Girl to friend, while smoking: So there I was, puking…and they started to have sex!

–Third and Long Bar

Posted on October 8, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penn Station, Sex, Theater, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Weirdness

The Republicans' New Anti-Immigration Video Is a Little Over the Top

Hipster girl: What's that?
Salvadorian guy: My benefits card, like food stamps. You could get one!
Hipster girl: Really?
Salvadorian guy: You should! We could barbecue non-stop! For free!

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: anyabelisle

Posted on October 6, 2008
Advice, Default, Food, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Latinos, Questions, Starbucks, The Village

Jason Learns He's on Emily's Friend Track

7th-grade Asian girl: Well, it's a long journey to finding your soulmate.
7th-grade Asian boy: Yeah, I know.
7th-grade Asian girl: It's okay, we'll try again some other day.

–Q17 Bus

Overheard by: Susie

Posted on October 3, 2008
Advice, Asians, Boys, Default, Girls, Love, On the Bus, Philosophy, Queens, Relationships, Time, Tweens

Nobody's Snugger Than a Bugger in a Rugger

Shady guy rolling an oriental rug on a hand truck: New rug! Good price I give you!
Couple standing outside: Nah, that's okay.
Shady guy: It's brand new! You can make love on it!

–Madison Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Marie Z.

Posted on October 2, 2008
Advice, Couples, Default, Guys, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Sex, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Six-year-old girl to middle-aged passenger: Well, I'm Jewish, but my parents are Aries. So I'm not really sure what that makes me.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: half Jewish, half Gemini

Guy: Oh, I know Jewish girls give good head!

–81st & Amsterdam

Awkward Catholic boy: These days there are more Jews in New York than Israel…and they all worship Barbara Walters as their Spider Queen.

–Steps of The Met

(outside the Marionette Theater's showing of Jack and the Beanstalk)
Four-year-old: Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Jewish man.

–Outside the Marionette Theatre, Central Park

Drunk guy inside German bar, pointing at small guy with a jewfro: Juden!

–German Beer Garden, Williamsburg

Overheard by: POLA

Woman on cell: Well, he wasn't as forthcoming with me as he is with you, probably because I keep telling him to stop dating that fat Asian girl and find himself a nice Jewish girl instead …

–Broadway & Prince

Posted on October 1, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Kids, Nazis, On Cell, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Soho, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Jaywalk, They Strut

Old lady crossing the street waiting for cars to pass: C'mon people, shake a leg. (cars pass) Thank you very much.

–80th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peg

Woman leading tour group across 8th Ave: Okay people, walk quickly and walk with purpose. When the red hand stops the light changes and you will be hit by a car.

–54th & 8th

Overheard by: James

Female tourist to her friend: Why is everyone crossing the street when the light is red?

–Times Square

Girl Scout in uniform: No, it's okay. You can jaywalk here!

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Marie

Woman running into middle of road waving arms: Stop, stop, I don't want to get hit. Stoppppp! (cars slow down or slam on brakes) Hahahaha…just kidding.

–Union Turnpike & Utopia Parkway, Queens

(cab turns in front of guy crossing) Guy: Hey, I'm walking here! (turns to his friend) I always wanted to say that.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on October 1, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Old People, Only in New York, Queens, Threats, Times Square, Tourists, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women

We Imagine a Young Katherine Hepburn in This Role

Hot chick: You are never gonna get a job talking like that.
Thug: Yeah, you know, I can turn dis shit off and talk all professional and shit if I have to. (in professional voice): I can speak in a manner which is becoming to a young professional and present myself as an upstanding member of society (now back to thug speak) nawmsayin'?
Hot chick (sarcastically, enunciating each word): Yes. I know what you are saying.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Joey Cards

Posted on September 30, 2008
Advice, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Thugs, Words

Oh, Crap–It's Spurted All Over the Bag

Woman #1, with water bottle in paper bag: I don't understand why they gave me a bag. What's the point of putting just a water bottle in a bag?
Woman #2: You should've just told them you didn't want one.
Woman #1: Yeah, but I didn't notice until he put it in.
(pause, then both women snicker)

–Elevator, 8th Ave

Overheard by: Mariah

Posted on September 29, 2008
Advice, Default, Elevators, Questions, Shopping, Stupidity, Women

Advice