[Man with big dog is standing on the sidewalk. Man with small dog walks by. Small dog starts jumping at and around big dog.]Man with big dog: Is it a boy?
Man with small dog: Yeah.
Man with big dog: Oh, he better watch out! [Gestures to his dog.] She’s a slut!
–Washington Place, Outside Pless Hall
Overheard by: Caliban
Wifey: Did you just see what happened?
Husband: Yes.
Wifey: That’s why you need to let people off the train first before you try to get on.
Husband: Okay.
Wifey: Next time, just follow me okay?
Husband, disgruntled: Okay.
[Wifey starts reading a book and hubby starts reading his morning newspaper.]Wifey, glancing at husband: You really need to clean your ears out -you have a big piece of wax in your ear!
Husband: Thanks for letting me know.
Wifey: No problem.
–N Train
Mom: You need to relax!
Teen girl: Why? Because I said “Oh my god”?
Mom: Just relax!
Teen girl, mockingly: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Mom: Just fucking relax!
–Union Square
Girl #1: I think Inna still gets a little embarrassed when we have sexy-time.
Girl #2: Do you think that deep in her heart she is not a lesbian?
Girl #1: I dunno… But–
Girl #2: Remember the twizzler incident! The twizzler incident!
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Penneh
Kid #1: They be profiling us, though! Did you see the way the cops came directly up to us?
Kid #2: Calm down, peoples is lookin’ at us.
Kid #1: That shit pisses me off though! They think we all just smoke weed and sell drugs!
Kid #2: But that’s all we ever do, smoke week and sell drugs!
[Kids laugh, onlookers try not to].
–1 Train
Overheard by: Fet
Drunk girl #1: Maybe it’s time for you to go home and take care of your baby.
Drunk girl #2: I am only a little bit pregnant.
–Dorrian’s, 84th & 2nd
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, after he got up I told him it would probably be better to look at the girl he’s having sex with next time.
Hipster girl #2: Good life lesson.
–Wilburg Café
Running jaywalker: The worst car to get hit by is a Mini Cooper!
–University & 10th St
Overheard by: Knows trucks that beg to differ
Old man crossing the street, on cell: I’m crossing the fucking street!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy wearing yarmulke, to friend: Hey, watch out! Just because you’re Jewish doesn’t mean cars won’t run you over.
–Columbus Circle
Tourist suit to other suit: New Yorkers are so rude. Just wait till you see how they all cross the street at red lights!
–Metro North Train to Grand Central
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Cop on loudspeaker, to Asian bimbo tourist trying to walk down the middle of Canal St: Sidewalks are open to the public. Please use them.
–Canal Street
Overheard by: F Tourists
[Two cops are waiting at the light. A woman jaywalks and almost gets hit by a car.]
Male cop: Phew! That would have been a lot of paper work.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aimee
Ghetto kid at a carnival: Man, that wasn’t no clown. That was just someone dressed like a clown!
–P.S. 218, The Bronx
Overheard by: Children are the future
Fourteen-year-old black girl to friend: You should have thrown a brick at a clown and seen the blood. You would have loved that.
–7th Ave Street Fair, Park Slope
Overheard by: send in the clowns
Little girl, pointing at obvious pimp: Look mommy, look! A clown!
–Brooklyn
Janitor to clown post-show: Everybody loves clowns. Even Bill Gates!
–Barnum & Bailey Circus
Slightly crazed looking man to well-dressed blonde chick: For $300 you’ll get a clown and a playboy bunny!
–E4th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: I might consider paying up
Little boy, shouting and grabbing magic wand from his sister: No! I wanna be Hermione! It’s my turn to be Hermione!
Little girl: Be Harry! His magic’s better!
Little boy: But Hermione’s clothes are so much cooler!
–Barnes and Noble, E 86th St
Overheard by: Noel Coward
