You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.

–W 34th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.

–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Phil

Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.

–Lawton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eric Frazier

Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)

–Penn Station

Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Robert H

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Clothing, Crazies, Girls, Guys, Height, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Race, Sports, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Noelle

Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.

–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza

Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him

Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rolf

Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!

–E train

Overheard by: In_the_Shadows

Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!

–Near NYU

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Hobos, Latinos, Men, On the Bus, On the Subway, Pee, Penn Station, Sex, Singing, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-liners

Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.

–22nd & 7th

Overheard by: debo

Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”

–2 train

Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.

–Union Square

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence

Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.

–DiFara Pizzeria

Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.

–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: depends on citizens

Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: AEVRed

Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Dads, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, TV, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholastic Store, Soho

Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…

Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Station

Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: fellow customer

Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: sarahjane

Posted on July 28, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Duane Reade, Fast Times at New York High, Guys, Idiots, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Knock-Offs, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Soho, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourists, Train Station, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.

–Barnard College

Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: John David

Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!

–Nassau & Fulton

Overheard by: Tigertail

First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: bunbury

Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?

–70th & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Friends, Grand Central, Illness, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Relationships, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Are Enough to Gag a Maggot

Nurse to hobo next to her: Aw, hell no! You fucking stink! [She pulls out a can of air freshener and hoses him down.]

–A train

Asian kid to another: It’s hard and watery, and if my pockets reek of ass, I’ma kill you!

–D train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sitting behind them

Little boy: Now I know why it smells like urine everywhere!

–Central Park

Man: It smells like an STD in here.

–E train

Irish lad: A man’s baseball cap should always stink a wee bit.

–U-Haul rental place, Broadway

Overheard by: Kerry

Posted on July 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Scents of the City, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.

–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!

–Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

–Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

–168 & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Education, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Smokers & Smoking, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

Apparently, We Won’t Never Forget

Tourist girl: We’re here! Wow, this is it!
Tourist mother: No, I don’t think it is. This isn’t the Soup Nazi!…You, where’s the Soup Nazi?

–Daily Soup, 54th Street

Girl: I’ve never been to that restaurant, I hear it’s nice.
Guy: Yeah, it’s got its own Nazi charm to it.

–30th & Lexington office

Southern girl: Why didn’t you come, Daddy? That was our stop!
Southern dad: We’ll ride this damn train till they tell us to get off.

–E train

Overheard by: Alyson Leigh

Guy: This weather is like the Holocaust, except much much worse.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: mervis

Posted on July 27, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hitler/Nazis, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

All Wednesday One-Liners