Girl: So, our assignment was to bring in something “beautiful” for art class.
Friend: Uh huh.
Girl: And I brought in a picture of the sunset. But this other girl brought in trash and the teacher loved it! And I was like, thinking trash is beautiful was a new idea like ten years ago, you know?
Friend: Actually, not really.
Girl: Oh, well, like ten years ago someone tried to start this thing where trash was pretty, but like, no one is still doing that!
–1 Train
Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!
–Long Island Railway
Overheard by: Jeff
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.
–14th St
Overheard by: Cuttie
Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.
–Central Park Loop
Overheard by: Nick Kinling
Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?
–Broadway & 112th
Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe
Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.
–D Train
Overheard by: Derrick Walker
Girl #1: What do you think?
Girl #2: Oh! He's kind of cute…except he looks kind of like a serial killer.
–Le Royale, West Village
Overheard by: Pierre Pierre
Headline by: Elise
Runners-Up:
· “Bloodstains Will Do That” – benji
· “Exactly What the Dexter Ads Were Aiming For” – Peter
· “Gossip Between Jurors at the Ted Bundy Trial” – ted bundy
· “OMG! If He Asks Me Out, I’ll Just Die!” – juls
· “The Hockey Mask Is a Nice Touch, Though.” – Sandy Paws
· “To Be Fair, She Said That About Almost Every Guy Tammy Set Her Up With Who Happened to Have a Swatstika Tattoo on His Forehead” – Rebecca Loeser
· “What With the Clown Make-up and All” – BabakganoosH
· “Why Girls Like Cats” – lucyconnuk
· “You Know, Kind Of a Lady Killer Type, Ya Know?” – c
Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am!
–1st Ave & 2nd St
Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?"
–Downtown E Train
Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good.
–Loews Theater, 34th St
Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends!
–PATH Train
Overheard by: tb
Girl to friends: Hey guys… I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us.
–West Village
Overheard by: Max
Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Dazzle
Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich
Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!
–45th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Culturally Challenged
20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.
–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant
Overheard by: elephantgiraffe
Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.
–McCarren Park Pool
Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people
Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."
–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave
Seven-year-old son of thug: I'm gonna be America's Next Top Model!
Thug dad: You kiddin' me?! You a baby. You America's next top baby.
–147th & Fredrick Douglas Blvd
Overheard by: Trixie
Girl #1, coming out of bar: Oh my god, can you believe he thought I was interested in him? My tastes are way better than that!
Girl #2: And yet you bought that jacket.
Girl #1: What did you say?
Girl #2: Nothing…
–Bedford & 9th St
Overheard by: I agree with your friend
Thug: Hey, hot stuff!
Hottie: Eeeeewww! Freak!
Thug: Yeah, I'm a freak. You know you like that…you like freaks. You like freaks, right?
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: chino
Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!
–3 Train
Overheard by: Kailee McMahon
Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.
–Women's Bathroom, The Met
Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin
Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.
–1501 Broadway
Overheard by: Randi
Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.
–Dunkin Donuts
Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Poogtastic One
Girl on street, arguing with guy: I mean, I really like that Palin. She has a nice smile.
Guy on street: She smiles like that because she wants your soul!
–W Broadway & Warrren
Overheard by: jramon
