Wednesday's Great With One-Liners

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here!

–6 Train

Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child!

–W4 Subway

Overheard by: Keep Pushing On!

Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital.

–Rockefeller Center

Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what?

–57th & Park

Overheard by: would have liked to help her

Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins.

–6 Train

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Skinny People, Weirdness

Clown Porn: Explained.

Girl: Did you know half the length of a guy's foot is the length of his penis?
Boy, observing inhumanly large feet: In that case, I think you won the lottery.

–Bard High School, Queens

Posted on September 26, 2021
Body Parts, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Height, Penis, Queens

That Old Line Again

Girl #1: I just got waxed. Feel my legs, they’re sooo soft.
Girl #2: Ooohhh. Sooo smooth.
Girl #1: Yeah, you should feel my cooch.

–Columbia University

Posted on September 8, 2021
Body Parts, Columbia, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, Places, Private Parts, Topics, Vagina

‘Knife’?

Black teen to drag queen: Yo, I can see your Adam’s apple, nigga!
Friend: Shhh, don’t say the N-word, we’re surrounded by white people!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: jesse michael klein

Posted on September 5, 2021
Black People, Body Parts, West Village

Wednesday One-liners by Peter

Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client.

–48th & Madison

Posted on August 23, 2021
Anger Management, Backdoor, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Elevators, Empire State Building, Food, Getting Off, Ghetto Chicks, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Poop, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Tourist Attractions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Are Wednesday One-Liners Funny Ha-Ha, or Funny-Peculiar?

Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.

–IHOP, Brooklyn

Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.

–Hunter College

Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!

–Water St & Broad St

Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.

–Starbucks

Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!

–W 4th & Barrow

Overheard by: jira monkey

Posted on July 19, 2021
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Crazies, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitution, Sex, Starbucks, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Perfect for “Arctic Hysteria: New Art from Finland”

Girl: If we don't get there soon, my uterus is going to fall out.
Boy: If it does, you could frame it and give it to PS1 at the MoMA.

–59th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on July 5, 2021
Arts & Letters, Body Parts, Boys, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Weirdness

From the People Who Brought You Seaman, Dyckman, and Gay Streets…

MTA conductor: Rector street is next. The next stop is rector street.
Old lady tourist to friend: Rector… Rector… Rectum.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Well, we’ve all thought it

Posted on June 29, 2021
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Directions, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Tourists, Weirdness, Women, Words

Ben Stein's “Clear Eyes” Commercials Get Creepier Every Year

Deli man: You have beautiful eyes.
Woman: Thank you.
Deli man: You better take care of them.

–63rd & 1st

Posted on June 25, 2021
Beauty, Body Parts, Clerks, Compliments, Upper East Side, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!

–Queens

Middle-aged Latino: I've got barbie dolls!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I'm like a bobble-head doll!

–96th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Galatea

Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Bill

Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don't play with the doll house that much because you said we're not supposed to play in the meditation room.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on June 3, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Kink, Latinos, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yoga

Body Parts

‘Knife’?