Cirrhosis of the Wednesday One-Liners

Hot chick dragging male companion: But you’ll like it this time, you were drunk yesterday…

–19th & 8th

Disheveled homeless woman: Fuck that shit! I’m looking for a real drunk!

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Mike

Man on bike, swerving down street: Look out, get out of the way! Drunk driver coming through!

–Washington Square East and Washington Place

Overheard by: Out of the way!

Appreciative preppy girl: Even though he’s a thug and a drunk, he’s a real intellectual.

–Art Fair at the Armory

Overheard by: Gina Beavers

Drunk guy about to chug: This reminds me of middle school. Got to get the 40 down before second period!

–Stan’s, Bronx

Young woman on cell: No, I do not need to get drunk more often, stop saying that mom!

–Union Square

Overheard by: McCrum

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Preppies, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires, Women

Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

And How Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Feel?

Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.

–Washington G Station

Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.

–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn

NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!

–West 4th St

Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?

–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St

Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?

–Bedford and North 7th

20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: Trey Givens

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Gyms, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Weirdness, Women

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

What Happened with the Aerobics Instructor?

Guy #1: Hey, new laptop?
Guy #2: Yeah, mine died over the weekend so I picked it up. It’s pretty slick, and check this out: two headphone jacks.
Guy #1: Wow, that is pretty cool.
Guy #2: Yeah, now all I need is a girlfriend…

–NYU, Warren Weaver Hall

Posted on May 20, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Friends, Guys, Laptop, NYU, Relationships, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires

Be Sure to Take Pictures for Me!

Girl, handing phone to gay Asian friend: Here, talk to John.
Gay Asian friend: Hi, John… Are you naked? [pause] What? You are naked? In this weather?! Damn, man, your thing must be as small as a peanut by now!

–Borders Bookstore, 100th & Broadway

Overheard by: Stunned and literate

Posted on May 20, 2008
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather

What’d You Say? I Was Busy Looking at Asses

Guy #1: I love the spring time.
Guy #2: Man, you like looking at asses.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Evans Tucker

Posted on May 20, 2008
Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Sexuality, Weather

It’s Maryland’s Slutty Big Sister

California girl: Where are you from?
Jersey girl: New Jersey. You?
California girl: California.
Jersey girl: Oh, wow! I like California. It’s nice. California is like an exciting version of Maryland.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Chiara

Posted on May 20, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, Questions, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Well What If They Made Movies Of Books?

Guy #1: The reason people don’t read enough is because there’s too many other forms of media that are more interesting. Why is some kid gonna pick up a book when he can watch one of the thousands channels on TV? That’s it! There needs to be a channel about books!
Guy #2: There is a channel about books. It’s called Book TV. It’s boring as hell.
Guy #1: Oh.

–Near Baruch College, 23rd St

Posted on May 20, 2008
Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Stupidity, TV

Until You Promise to Stop Washing with Hot Pepper Sauce

Girl #1: It’s not a date. We’re just going to a show. It’s like if you and me went.
Girl #2: Except he’s not black and short like me.
Girl #1: And I love him.
Girl #2: You love me too.
Girl #1: I don’t want to suck on parts of your body.

–Madison Square Park

Posted on May 19, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Height, Madison Square Garden, Parks, Physical appearance, Race, Sexuality

Compare/Contrast

What Happened with the Aerobics Instructor?