Those Who Marry for Wednesday One-Liners Earn Them

Girl to friend: I mean, if he was rich I would pretend to like him; but he's not, so…

–46th & 3rd

Guy on street to couple: Baby girl, you're just embarrassing yourself. Don't do it. You know you're just with him for his money cuz everyone knows white men ain't got no dick.

–5th & 32nd

Ghetto young man: That is why I'm gonna marry a rich white woman. My daughter needs a good life; my sugar mama can pay for her to go to a private school. I'm a playa, but I gotta marry a rich white woman for my baby girl.

–A Train

20-something guy to friends: So this chick I like says "let's wait until you start making money til we start dating." So I said to her "what makes you think I want to date you once I start making money?"

–St Mark's

Posted on March 31, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Comebacks, Couples, Dating, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Fakes, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, School and studying, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

They're in an Institution

Woman #1: So it turns out that the family is that cult family… Something-onian.
Woman #2: Smith…?
Woman #1: Smithsonian, no, that's a different family.

–Q Train

Posted on March 26, 2010
Family Ties, Names, On the Subway, Women

You Don't Really Know Someone 'til You Wednesday One-Liner With Them

Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex.

–L Train

Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Sarah

Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Liz

Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right?

–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square

Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin.

–University Place & E 9th

Posted on March 24, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Fordham, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Suicide, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Whole Foods

Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File

Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!

–W 17th St

Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal

Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?

–Mid-Manhattan Library

Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.

–Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: Miss V

Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.

–Brooklyn

Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.

–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lucy

High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.

–Grand St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Library, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Hey, We're Not That Irish

Professional-looking guy #1: How old is your sister?
Professional-looking guy #2: Twenty-two.
Professional-looking guy #1: Twenty-two? You guys are practically twins! What are you? Four, five months apart?

–Downtown A Train

Posted on March 13, 2010
Age/Aging, Family Ties, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Time

Without the Bible, Kids Wouldn't Even Think About It

Nine-year-old thugette: Oh, that's my man! Look, there's my man, there goes my sexy man!
Eight-year-old thugette: Shut up, that ain't yo man, that's yo brother!

–The Bronx

Posted on February 23, 2010
Beauty, Family Ties, Kids, Relationships, The Bronx, Thugs

“Hi, My Name Is Wednesday, and I'm a One-Liner”

Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!

–Eldridge Street & Broome Street

Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …

–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th

Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!

–West Village

Overheard by: AsherO

Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: teagle

Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!

–Blockheads

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fashion, Food, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Politics, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

The Hat's an SS-ombrero

Loud bald man: My grandmother taught me that it's rude to keep your hat on while you're eating! Take it off, Robin Hood!
Guy in hat: (mumbles)
Loud bald man: Come on, take it off. We're not in fuckin' Mexico.
Loud blonde woman: Isn't it so great that he's Mexican-German? His parents are so great.
Guy in hat: (mumbles again)

–Le Zie, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on February 12, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Etiquette, Family Ties, Food, Foreigners, Guys, Nicknames & name calling, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

Says It'd Be a Family Reunion, Not a Threesome

14-year-old girl #1: I'm in love with my cousin and he says he likes me back.
14-year-old girl #2: You can't help who you like.
14-year-old girl #1: I'm only telling you because I know you won't judge me. He says he loves his girlfriend but he wants to be with me too.

–Uptown 4 Train

Posted on February 11, 2010
Family Ties, Infidelity, Love, On the Subway, Teens, Wishes & desires

The Dishonorable Discharge Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: tatunit

20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.

–Penn Station

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.

–NYU Health Center

Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!

–Hunter College

Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crying, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Laughter, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Sex, STDs, Street, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Family Ties