Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!

–D Train

Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa

Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?

–E 90th St

Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"

–Houston & Orchard

Overheard by: j

Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.

–E 4th St & Lafayette

Overheard by: amanda

Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!

–2nd Ave & 94th St

Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.

–Broadway & Chambers St

Overheard by: Carolyn S

Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!

–Winter Gardens

Posted on July 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Insults, Kids, Laptop, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Poop, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Promoting Sexy Racist Stereotypes: the Women

Hispanic girl: …yeah, I like that, it’s cool, but do they have it in a 16?
White girl: I think they only have 12s and 6s left.
Hispanic girl: Well, I’m not really a 16. It’s just this huge ass I have here. If you don’t count that, I’m a 12.

–Old Navy, Chelsea

Girl #1: I didn’t ask to be born.
Girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t ask our parents to be born into this cold, hard, cruel world.
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: On top of everything I had to be born black too, and a woman!
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: …but I was born light-skinned and have a big ass!

–Matsuri, Chelsea

Overheard by: Tamika J.

Posted on July 13, 2015
Ass, Beauty, Body Parts, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Fat People, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Parents, Race

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service!

–Franklin Ave Subway

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Overheard by: Zack

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway

Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love.

–Kimmel, NYU

Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

–Duane Reade

Posted on July 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blue-collar workers, Duane Reade, Excretions, Fat People, Food, Free stuff!, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Love, More museums, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thievery, Thugs, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

New Yorkers Travel in Different Circles

Overweight bearded tourist: I bet they don't have any Nascar fans in this city!
Overweight moustached tourist: I haven't seen a single one!

–4 Train

Posted on July 9, 2015
Fat People, On the Subway, Sports, Tourism, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

Posted on July 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Customers, Duane Reade, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Parents, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Let's Pray That Doesn't Turn Into “Heil Hitler”

Large middle aged black man: Well hello there little lady, Barack Obama!
Small young white girl: Yeah!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Meg

Posted on June 27, 2015
Black People, Fat People, Girls, Men, President, Race, Rockefeller Center, White People

From The Wizard Of Oz! The Wizard Of Oz!

Ugly skinny girl: I swear to god, if you compare us to The Golden Girls one more time, we're not friends anymore.
Cute fat girl: Okay, fine. (pause) God you can be such a Dorothy sometimes.

–54th & 5th

Posted on June 25, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friendship, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Skinny People, TV

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

Translation: You’re Going to Be a Daddy!

Fat lady: I wanna return this.
Store guy: Why?
Fat lady: Is too small, wanna large.
Guy: Receipt says you bought it a month ago; what happened to you?
Fat lady: I got pregnant, motherfucker!

–Foot Locker, Queens Mall

Overheard by: Steve Kinsella

Posted on June 20, 2015
Diet/Weight, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, People, Places, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Shopping, Topics

Fat People