A Wednesday One-Liner to Remember

Midwestern mother to ticket vendor: Thank goodness for the bus, we've been in the hotel for four days because we can't walk anymore!

–50th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Kate

Ditz, singing and marching: It's a sidewalk, so I have to walk on it!

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Sarcastic, portly girl: Great, my two favorite things: walking and learning.

–Governor's Island Ferry

Crazy man in the middle of the street blocking traffic: Car are outlawed! Walk everywhere! I walked to China last week! I walked to Paris yesterday!

–18th & 3rd

Overheard by: Maria

Tough guy to another: I'm a little afraid to walk around with you 'cause it seems everyone you work with dies.

–PJ Clarke's

Posted on March 31, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Death, Education, Fears, Ferry, Girls, God, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Midwesterners, Moms, One-liners, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing, Street, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Be Afraid. Be Very Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy to girlfriend: How can you be really scared for 2012 when you thought it was 2013?

–Franklin & Eastern Parkway

Seven-year-old boy on bike, turning corner into small white dog: Shoooooooooooot son, that dog just scared the black out of me!

–Nostrand Ave & Prospect Pl

Overheard by: melyssalaree

Crazy guy, after screaming unintelligibly in 20-something's face: It's cool, I'm supposed to scare people! I'm the anti-Christ!

–Ave A b/w 5th & 6th St

Girl: I'm really scared I'm gonna be a sex addict. Like, I'm hoping it won't happen, but it probably will.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Colors, Couples, Crazies, Fast Times at New York High, Fears, Girls, Guys, Kids, Man's Best Friend, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Or a Muzzle.

Daughter: Daddy, I want a cookie!
Father: I'll say yes if you ask for an apple instead. (pause) Or a Brussels sprout.
Daughter: Ahhhhh!

–115th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Special K

Posted on February 6, 2010
Dads, Fears, Food, Fruit, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Wishes & desires

I Could Hardly Contain My Cheese Sauce

Recently engaged woman to family: So, he sent me a message saying “Hey, I was looking at your profile and I noticed we had a lot in common, so check out my profile.” So I looked at his picture and I was scared to death! And then I went through his pictures and when I saw the one of him in the macaroni suit I knew that was the man I was going to marry.
Old woman: Oh, I know. It was like that with my husband.
Recently engaged woman: I saw him in the macaroni suit and I knew I was going to marry him.

–Restaurant, 59th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on January 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Families, Fears, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

One Way to Get Kids to Take Subway Rides in Peace

Small girl dressed as pink fairy to woman next to her dressed in brown dress with a pentacle necklace: Hi. I like your costume.
Woman: Thank you, but it's not a costume.
(long pause)
Girl: What are you supposed to be, anyway?
Woman: A witch.
Girl: But you're not really a witch, right?
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: No, you're not!
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: You can't be a witch, you don't even have a wand!
(woman proceeds to pull wand out of her bookbag)
Girl: Eeee! Moooooooommy! She's going to turn me into a frooooog!

–A Train

Posted on January 10, 2010
Clothing, Compliments, Fears, Kids, Magic, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Women

Wednesday Smells So Bad, One-Liners Can Taste It

Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch!

–86th & Lexington

Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece.

–L Train

Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup!

–F Train

Overheard by: bpm

Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong!

–Office Building, Harlem

Overheard by: Liz

Man: This place smells like venereal disease!

–Port Authority Subway Tunnel

Overheard by: Courtney

Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear!

–27th & 5th

Posted on December 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Food, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Man's Best Friend, Men, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Port Authority, Sensory Experiences, STDs, Street, Teens, Threats, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesdays Would Sell Their Souls for Some One-Liners

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!

–Fordham Plaza

Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kirstie

Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…

–J Train

Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?

–34th & 28th

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Crazies, Education, Fears, Friends, Girls, God, Holidays, Judaism, Kids, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Satan, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Covered in Sailor Cum.

20-something: Oh, and remember, when we go to Jen's apartment, don't touch anything. Both of her roommates just found out they have genital herpes. And she's afraid she has it now too.
Friend: Well, that's what you get for wearing ten-dollar clothes.

–Broadway & 52nd St

Posted on November 23, 2009
Advice, Clothing, Comebacks, Fears, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, STDs

Only Now It Burns When I Pee

Ghetto chick #1: When I was younger, I was afraid to wash myself in certain areas.
Ghetto chick #2: Why?
Ghetto chick #1: Well, I thought that if I washed my vagina, it would burn.
Ghetto chick #2: Um… You're over that now, right? You wash now?
Ghetto chick #1: Oh yeah. Everything's fine now. I wash it.

–Red Lobster, Times Square

Overheard by: Kit

Posted on October 22, 2009
Age/Aging, Cleanliness, Fears, Ghetto Chicks, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Times Square, Vagina

Cue Pat Benatar

Girlfriend: I just don't get people.
Boyfriend: I love you.
Girlfriend, panicked: No, you don't!
Boyfriend: But I do!
Girlfriend, walking away mumbling: I just do not get people!

–Central Park

Posted on October 4, 2009
Boyfriends, Central Park, Fears, Girlfriends, Love, Parks, Relationships, Weirdness

Fears