My Sister's Roommate's Cousin Knows Wednesday One-Liner's Agent

Young thug in crooked baseball hat to female friend: No, everyone should have the right to love Tom Cruise.

–41st & Lexington

40-something Midwest tourist to 40-something friends: Yeah, this is where Miley Cyrus was staying. (points to Sheraton hotel, friends gasp in excitement)

–53rd & 7th

Tourist son to mom: Let's go to the park and watch Jerry Seinfeld play softball.

–67th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Q

Random guy outside on corner: Yo, I just saw Phil Donahue. I just saw him walking down the street… (starts to sing in Cops theme song style) Whatchu gonna do when Phil Donahue comes for you? (pause) Yo, Phil Donahue is a crazy motherfucker!

–Astoria Boulevard, Queens

Girl on cell: Yeah, but I tower over him when I wear heels…and I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to be Katie Holmes to his Tom Cruise.

–33rd & Broadway

Woman: Everywhere I go, I see either someone I know or a celebrity!

–69th & Columbus

Little boy to mother: Oooh…I thought Malcolm X was a singer.

–Flatbush & Beekman

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on May 20, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Kids, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Relationships, Shoes, Sports, Thugs, Tourists, TV, Women

The Books Are Over, Wednesday One-Liner, Deal With It.

Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management.

–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th

Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense

German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore!

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: LeLeLe

Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously.

–1 train

Overheard by: Silverhawk

High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot.

–Houston & Green

Overheard by: chedr

Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!"

–D train

Overheard by: tanechka

Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on May 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Beauty, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Magic, Movies, On the Subway, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I'm Barred From Her Dungeon for Life

Slutty lesbian chick buying ice cream: So then she says “Scream! I'm going to keep spanking you until you scream!”
Slightly less slutty chick: So what did you do?
Slutty lesbian chick: Well, I wanted it to be hot, but when it came out it wasn't so much an “I'm getting spanked, and it's hot” scream as it was an “I'm shitty and it hurts” grunt.

–Grocery Store, The Bronx

Posted on May 19, 2015
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grocery Stores, Lesbians, S&M, The Bronx, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Uh oh. I’m not married or gay…

Chick #1: I have never been in love! Never never ever! Can you believe it?
Chick #2: Really? Wow! Well, look what’s out there.
Chick #1: I know! All the good ones are married, all the cute ones are gay, and the rest look like Shrek! All I want to do is meet a really sweet nice guy whos gorgeous and musical and creative and sweet like Jack White! Oh my god, he’s a god!
Chick #2: That White Stripes guy that punched someone out?
Chick #1: Yeah, he’s my idea of a perfect guy! God I love him!
Chick #2: Look! I got chocolate!
Chick #1: Yeah! Chocolate!

–Otto’s Shrunken Head, East Village

Posted on May 19, 2015
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Food, Girls, Idiots, Love, Music, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

And You’re Not the Only One

Girl: I need to get something for my boyfriend for valentine’s day. I’m thinking of some panties and an outfit from Victoria’s Secret. What do you think?
Boy: That’s nice. I like dirty panties. Hanes tighty whities for women. I like them real dirty and crusty lookin’, like she just rolled around in some shit.
Girl: You nasty! What’s wrong with you?
Boy: Don’t be hatin’, that’s what I like.

–R Train

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on May 19, 2015
Boys, Clothing, Compliments, Default, Gifts, Girls, Holidays, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness

Pink Hearts, Orange Stars, Yellow Moons, and Shots of Jack

Girl: [In the month of October] Why is there a leprechaun passed out on those steps?
Friend: Oh, wow. Is it April Fools’ Day?

–Madison Ave

Posted on May 19, 2015
Girls, Hobos, Holidays

Homosexuality Isn’t Really Considered a Disease Anymore, Heather

Girl #1: So, I heard your sister slept with another guy last night…
Girl #2: Yeah, I know. I love her, because she’s, like, my sister and all. But seriously, she’s going to get a fucking disease.
Girl #1: It’s really easy to. I mean, I only sleep with girls, and remember when I got one?

–Line for Ani D. concert, Central Park

Overheard by: tiffany.

Posted on May 19, 2015
Central Park, Default, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gossip, Gripes, Promiscuity

For Some Reason, It Makes Casting Directors Lose Respect for You

Girl: You should go first, then you can sleep through the rest of them.
Guy: Well, I'm not stripping anymore, so that's good.

–Broadway & Prince, Soho

Overheard by: TJ

Posted on May 18, 2015
Advice, Girls, Guys, Soho, Strippers, Weirdness

Note the Freedom Fros

Old tourist woman to daughter, about gangsters shouting slang to each other: Is that French?
Daughter: No… That's Ebonics.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Noah

Posted on May 18, 2015
Girls, Language Barrier, Moms, Old People, Questions, Race, The Village, Tourism, Tourists

A Famous Dead, Fat, Drunk Baby

Professor guy: I’m sure all of you have seen a photo of Babe Ruth and would be able to recognize him. his autograph is worth almost as much as Abraham Lincoln’s is.
Swedish girl #1: I don’t know what a Babe Ruth is?
Swedish girl #2: Oh, he’s a famous baby.

–New School University, 13th & 5th

Posted on May 18, 2015
About Celebrities, Babies, Buildings, Foreigners, Girls, Lower Manhattan, Students, Yankees

Girls