Middle-aged suit #1: So I’m going to be a father again.
Middle-aged suit #2: Oh, really?
Middle-aged suit #1: Yeah, the mother’s some bimbo on the West Side.
Middle-aged suit #2: Oh yeah.
Middle-aged suit #1: Yeah. I figure if I’m going to fuck up my life, I might as well do it in grand fashion.
–Times Square
Four-year-old cute tourist girl: Mommy, people are different in New York!
Tourist mom: They’re all fuckin’ crazy.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Natasha G
Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.
–21st St & 8th Ave
Asian girl: You gave me the gay!
–C Train
Overheard by: Jordan
Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]
–C Train
Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.
–Columbia University Steps
Overheard by: John Jay
Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!
–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: glekapolis
Loudly homophobic guy: Gay! Gay! My ass hurts from watching that preview!
–AMC Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: Lo
Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…
–Broadway Caribou Coffee
Overheard by: jenny Lui
Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it."
–46th, b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: christine
30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.
–7th Ave
Overheard by: James from Jersey
Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!
–21st & 6th
20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Tater
Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!
–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Eight-year-old boy to another: You usta play dirty house with her!
–E 9th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Visibly annoyed ghetto-fab young lady, while loudly cracking her gum: They too many nationalities on this bus and most of them don’t be clean.
–57th St Bus
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Chick, looking at rat sipping from puddle: Eeeww, how can he drink that? It’s so dirty!
–6 Platform, Grand Central
Guy on escalator, to friend: … Dirty sandwich…
–E Train
Overheard by: M_C
Male student: Either you’re a dirty, stinking hippie, or you’re pretentious.
–Bard High School Early College Library
Thuggish hobo: Please! Somebody talk dirty to me!
–Washington Square Park
Woman with thick Jersey accent, very seriously: I really need to get an accent. Accents are very important to people here.
–1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Drunk man screaming into cell: Stop fucking yelling!
–30th & 8th
Guy on phone: It just really bugs me that she’s always talking to other people about our relationship…
–Bedford & 4th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: andebobandy
Aussie bartender with heavy accent: He was complaining that the burger wasn’t flat because it’s hand-rolled and not frozen. [pause] Fucking foreigners.
–O’Keefe’s, Court Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: NJH
Guy in wheelchair (peeing in a Snapple bottle) to friend: People are nasty.
–W 38th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bebe
Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens.
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse
Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is!
–23rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Zarek
Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now.
–Roosevelt Island Tram
Overheard by: Jack Fleming
20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens.
–Queens Bridge
Overheard by: SL
Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy.
–N Train
Overheard by: Kevin
Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S.
–Sears, Rego Park, Queens
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk girl #1: We’re going to the Taj Lounge!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah we’re going to the Taj Lounge! [To random guy.] Get your hot ass to the Taj Lounge!
Drunk girl #1: Leave your face here!
–21st St
Girlfriend: Did you see his face?
Boyfriend: Yeah! Weird! He is so creepy!
Girlfriend: He must be Jewish.
–88th & York
Bum: Have a happy Wednesday!
Suit: You too, sir.
Bum: You son of a bitch! That’s it; I’m not playing. I’m not playing this game anymore.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Larry
