An old woman is drumming up contributions for the SPCA.
Young Man: Good luck!
Old Woman: We don’t need luck, we need cooperation. Does Bush say good luck to the soldiers? No, he just sends in more troops! Come on! Don’t be a phony.
–Kinko’s, 20th St. and 6th Ave.
Overheard by: Lucian Piane
Six-year-old boy: Can I pet your dog?
Hot girl: Sure, but she’s a little crazy.
Six-year-old boy: Ahhh, so is my sister [points to four-year-old]. Maybe they’re related!
Four-year-old sister: Grrr…
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: dan finnegan
Guy to friend: I'm sorry. When I see tight shorts I don't think 80s hair metal.
–23rd St
Conductor: This station is Murray Hill. If you look outside your window and don't see a platform, then you can't get off. Sorry. Please walk towards the front of the train.
–LIRR
Overheard by: PW rider
NJ transit conductor: Folks, this is the 5:50 Midtown direct. We are leaving two minutes late because some of your fellow commuters would not board the train. Some people don't understand you can walk on the train. Sorry for that.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: Katherine
Extremely Brooklynese conductor: Okay, we're being held up by another f and…uh…another d. Oh, jeez! Sorry, people, it's not my fault, blame the fuckin' dispatcher! (to person in the conducting booth) What?
–F Train
Overheard by: Jasper johnson
Conductor on loudspeaker: Now arriving at Penn Station. Please exit the train promptly. And to those sitting in the first two cars, sorry about the lack of lights and air conditioner. (loudspeaker turns off, after a pause back on). Actually, we're sorry about everything.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: brutal commuter
Loud lady: Would you like a tissue? [Guy on phone snivels loudly, shakes head. Lady waves tissue at him.] Excuse me, here’s a tissue.
Guy, covering phone: No, thanks.
Loud lady: Please take the tissue. I hate that noise you’re making. It’s disgusting.
Guy, into phone: Nobody. I’m waiting for the train to move and some woman wants me to blow my nose.
Loud lady: It’s making me sick to look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Take the tissue!
Guy, to loud lady: My mom says you’re a rude bitch who should shut the fuck up and go to the next car if you don’t like it! [Lady storms off.]
–N train, Ditmars station, Astoria
Overheard by: A Mother Says What?
Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.
–W 34th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.
–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Phil
Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.
–Lawton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Eric Frazier
Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)
–Penn Station
Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Robert H
Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!
–Newark Flight
DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!
–Hammerstein Ballroom
Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.
–A Train
Overheard by: Sam
Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.
–6 Train
Overheard by: oya
Evangelist standing on a bench: I was born under the Lord, I've lived under the Lord, and I'll die under the Lord.
Drunk walking by: Die, we don't give a fuck!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Michael A McCormick
Tourist: Excuse me, but could you please tell me the time?
New Yorker: What do I look like? Big fuckin' Ben or somethin'?
–Broadway
Religious guy: … And remember, Jesus loves you! He loves us all. Jesus loves you!
Man in back of train: Jesus fucking hates you! Shut the fuck up!
–PATH train
Overheard by: Nick
Subway musician to drunk guy puking: Hey! Come on, asshole, take a cab, this is my place of work!
Drunk guy: You know what, why don't you pay for my cab to Queens and get a real job while you're at it?
–7 Train
