Kids

Loud woman on cell: And then he had the nerve to ask me if it was cause he's black! I was like, "it's not cause you're black, it's cause you slept with that stripper!"

–Starbucks

Midwestern grandmother, seeing granddaughter play on subway: She's working on her pole dancing, just like her mother.

–E Train

Young Asian guy, telling stripper what he does for a living: Do you even know what a hedge fund is?

–Strip Club, Queens

Thug to girlfriend, pointing at totem pole in museum: You know what those be? Fancy stripper poles! (makes techno music noise with his mouth)

–Museum of Natural History

Blonde chick on cell: Oh my god, Mike, just fuck her and get over yourself, I really don't care! (hangs up, to friend) I don't understand why my boyfriend keeps calling me asking me if it would break my heart if he slept with the stripper we met at the bar on Saturday.

–NYU

Overheard by: i wish i had me a girl like that

Serious, tired, cute guy on cell: So you remember the stripper that has been hassling me? Well, I went out with her and her girlfriend on Tuesday, and stuff got out of hand… really out of hand–like Budapest out of hand! (pause) I don't know, but I woke up in fucking New York City!

–Penn Station

Little girl: Mom?
Helicopter mother: Yes, honey? Are you all right? Are the trains too noisy for you?
Little girl: Mom, guess what?
Helicopter mother: What is it, sweetie pie?
Little girl: Mom, I have a vagina!
Helicopter mother: (opens mouth in shock)

–South Ferry Train Station

Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny

Small child, pointing to douches: What are those, mommy?
Mischievous teen, intervening: Candy.

–Downtown CVS

Hyper small child: I like standing up!
Sitting harried mother: Great.
Small child: Look! I'm twirling!
Harried mother: That's wonderful.
Small child: I know all about the world!
Harried mother: You are very smart.
Small child: I know all about science! I know all about geishas!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sarah

Child: I turned on the channel and then mommy started yelling “no, no, turn it off!”
Mother: She found a porn channel.
Child: I liked it, because everyone was kissing.

–Penn Station

Crying woman in pink bathrobe and wet hair, as she chases pimp-looking male: I'm taking them to court. I'm taking those motherfuckers to court! I'm calling 1-800-lawyers!

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: Rebecca Meyers

Attractive female law student on cell: Whatever, he can feed me dinner. I know it's "unethical" or whatever…

–11th St & 5th Ave

Blonde Columbia Education School girl to friend: Isn't this supposed to be a graduate school mixer? Why aren't there any law school guys coming up to me?

–Havana Central, near Columbia University

Overheard by: I <3 Gold Diggers Subway hobo: Yeah, thats right. (yelling) I'm gonna be the best judge this town has ever seen!

–6 Train

Overheard by: watching&waiting

Six-year-old girl walking up some wet slippery steps: If I slip, I'm gonna sue.

–33rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Em

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln

Mom to little boy: Did you go number two?
Boy: I did! It was so little!

–Train, Grand Central

Overheard by: He has so little to get excited about.

Woman #1: You totally should get knocked up by him. With the child support you'd get, you'd be set for life.
Woman #2: I know! Right?

–Gym, Columbia University

Overheard by: Alison R.

Little boy in blue blazer and khakis: I'm having a party. You can come.
Little girl in flower dress: (keeps skipping rope)
Little boy: You can bring your Lego people!

–25th St & Broadway