Wednesday, with Some Scattered One-Liners in the Early Evening

Hobo: Everyone, please believe me, I had nothing, I tell you–nothing, to do with this rain!

–6 Train

Overheard by: thanks for that clearing that up

Black guy sitting on stoop to white guy standing the rain: I can't offer you a warm vagina but I can offer you a dry haven.

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: D Dot

Hobo to sky, as it begins to rain: You gotta do better than drizzling if you want to flood the Earth! We got murders and rapists down here! There are pedophiles and traffickers and thieves and liars and idolaters! I'm ready: I got the life goggles you sent me! (holds up scuba mask) Thank you for making me in your image, Lord. Amen.

–24th St b/w Broadway & 6th Ave

Overheard by: EmLo

Man, as it begins to rain: Goddamn rain, man! Only in New York!

–Park Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants

Woman on cell: Yeah, the weather is beautiful this morning. I'm strolling like a motherfucker.

–Lexington & 90th St

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, God, Gripes, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Men, Murder, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

George W. Bush: “Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?”

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!

–Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

–LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Languages, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Science, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

Maybe She'd Tell Me I'm Pretty and That She Loves Me

Girl: I don't date much.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Umm… No reason.
Guy: Are you a lesbian?
Girl: No!
Guy, pointing to a girl walking by: Would you date her?
Girl, thinking it over: I actually might.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on January 15, 2010
Central Park, Dating, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Lies, Parks, Sexuality

Where in the World Will That Get You Laid?

Jersey girl: Oh. My. Gawd. Where is that accent from? It's sexy.
B&T guy: It's from Queens, baby!

–Broadway & Lafayette

Overheard by: Alaina

Posted on December 31, 2009
B & T, Brooklyn, Compliments, Languages, Lies

It Didn't Tip You Off That My “Sores” Smelled Suspiciously Like Pepperoni?

Guy: Nathan's the only one that's never lied to me.
Ditzy girl: Oh, yeah? What about me? I've never lied to you!
Guy: You did lie to me. That one time you told me you had Aids/cancer. I looked that up. It doesn't exist!

–Bobst Library, NYU

Overheard by: Krys

Posted on December 5, 2009
AIDS, Cancer, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Lies, NYU, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?

–Broadway & 20th St

Overheard by: Cali in NYC

Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.

–79th St & Madison

Overheard by: Anna

Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.

–51st St & Lexington Ave

Woman: He cheated… On JDate!

–26th & 8th

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Dating, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Infidelity, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Latinos, Lies, Love, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Street, Suits, Upper East Side, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

If Friends Had Been Real Life

Bro #1: What I'm saying is that you're the asshole. You tagged him as herpes whore, and the joke was about him getting it from you.
Hoe #1: That is bullshit, I've never had a cold sore in my life!
Bro #2: Well, you might soon, because I do have herpes.

–Fordham University

Posted on October 10, 2009
Biotechs, Fordham, Guys, Insults, Lies, STDs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Eye-Fucking Has Its Limits

Girl to 20-something friend: Apparently, you can get pregnant if he looks at you across a crowded room!
(shocked pause)
20-something: Oh my god! Are you serious, I can?
Girl, glaring at friend: Are you serious? Asshole!

–Franklin Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on September 14, 2009
Brooklyn, Friends, Girls, Insults, Lies, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Stupidity

More Than George W. Bush Has Admitted

Homeboy #1: You lie.
Homeboy #2: I don't.
Homeboy #1: You so lie.
Homeboy #2: I don't lie.
Homeboy #1: You lie. You lie. You lie. You lie.
Homeboy #2: I do not lie.
Homeboy #2: You stretch the truth.
Homeboy #2: Well. Now you're talkin'.

–10th & 57th

Posted on August 23, 2009
Friends, Lies, Weirdness, Words

NewsFlash: Cop Is Less Than Truthful. Film at 11.

Cop to woman who has just dropped something: Ma'am! (points)
Woman: Oh! Thanks.
Cop: Wait–was that cash?
Woman: Yeah.
Cop: Oh… that was already there.

–Chambers Street Station

Overheard by: Mader

Posted on August 14, 2009
Cops, Lies, Money & Class, Questions, Subway Stations, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Lies

Eye-Fucking Has Its Limits