Drunk guy: You've had sex with a black man! That means you've definitely had sex with someone whose penis is bigger than mine!
Girlfriend: Yeah. Yeah, I have.
Drunk guy: Well, I've had sex with a virgin. Which means I've had sex with someone whose vag is tighter than yours. Ha.
–St. Marks Place
Woman: So what if I sleep with dogs for money?
–Chrystie St & Delancey
Middle-aged woman, after being told her puppies can't enter store: That's why I live in LA, they're much more dog-friendly there. Now, can you please get me the Lady Gaga CD?
–Barnes & Noble
Young woman, seeing three-legged dog: Three-legged dogs are kinda trendy these days.
–Sunset Park
Overheard by: Matty
Woman to another, walking out of subway: I'm telling you, chihuahuas are fucking taking over the city.
–Bedford Ave & 7th St
Overheard by: J Wing
Man in '80s garb, getting off train and pumping arms in great exaltation: The dog is back!
–Steinway Street
Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism
Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?
–St Mark's & Ave A
Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!
–Delancey St
Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?
–Times Square
Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.
–Jane & 4th St
Overheard by: M Tod
Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?
–The Diana Center, Barnard College
Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!
–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St
Overheard by: Allison
Frantic woman: Excuse me, is this the train to Manhattan?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: oliver
Tourist to companion: We've left the village now, but I don't think this is Soho.
–Stanton & Orchard
Middle-aged woman in sharp looking suit: I thought Croatia was an Asian country in Europe.
–4 Train
Woman to friends: I had four kids today label New York in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I am such a great teacher.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mickey and Gabe
Little black girl boarding Chinatown bus: Mama, I was on this bus before and nothing happened.
Mother, also boarding bus: Yeah, well, I was on this bus last week and it caught on fire.
–Chrystie St.
Handsome straight guy: I don't know. Gay boys really like me. I don't know how to repel them.
Girl: You can throw candy at them.
Handsome straight guy: Huh?
Girl: Gay boys hate fatty foods.
–St Mark's Place
Overheard by: Ilikecandy
Girl with Obama pin: Oh my god, I can't believe I spent this whole night hanging out with a Republican!
–104th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Emily
Guy to friends: There's only one thing I want him to shove down my throat, and it's not his Republican ideals.
–43rd & 8th
Gov't. Teacher: Sometimes you wanna smack a moderate.
–Curtis High School, Staten Island
Overheard by: jules
Woman: I blame McCain for the snow.
–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Philip & Richard
Girl, swatting at guy: Stupid, stupid! LAPD?
Guy: Ow! What did I say? What?
Girl: Why would the LAPD be in New York?
Guy: Oh.
–Five Points, Manhattan
Apple executive, about owner: The way I see it, you plop down 14 dollars to listen to Kenny talk for an hour.
Fire department regular, paying check: I'd pay 24 dollars for Kenny to shut the fuck up while I'm trying to eat.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: mhopkins
Female Asian worker: Wow, so is it free then?
NYPD officer: Nah, it's nine dollars a head, babe. Ain't nothing free in New York, hun, when I come in here you don't give me no free fuckin coffee, do ya?
–Rainbow Cafe, Grand & Essex
Overheard by: mhopkins
