Is Christopher Walken a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens landed in Brooklyn? And they start shooting their guns, their laser guns on the corner, in the candy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shelter?

–John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Crazy guy: I am an alien from outer space! I have crash landed on your planet! This is our language! (saxophone solo)

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Conductor: We will be stopped at the next station for ten minutes. You are not allowed to exit the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bathroom trips. If you do get off of the train you will be abducted by aliens and never heard from again.

–Amtrak Train, Penn station

Overheard by: Madge

Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wanna get drunk later.

–94th St & Broadway

Posted on October 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Conductors, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Hobos, Instruments, Language Barrier, Music, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Smoking, Teens, Threats, Time, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

I Don't Think We're Quite at That Place in Our Relationship Yet

Girl #1, at school cafeteria: What is that?
Girl #2: Polenta.
Girl #1: I've never had it. Can I have a bite of your placenta?

–Bedford-Stuy

Posted on October 13, 2009
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Ethnic Food, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions

When Diabetics Contemplate Suicide

Shop attendant: Do you need help?
Customer: Oh… In many, many ways…

–Candy Store, SoHo

Overheard by: rutger

Posted on October 8, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Offers and requests, Shopping, Soho, Store, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner, Dearest

Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Gaunt

Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Fiona

Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!

–125th & Park Ave

Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Laura

Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.

–13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asshole, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Is It Diet?

20-something girl: I'm tired and want to sleep, but I don't know what to do with my contacts.
Older 20-something guy: You can put them in my soda.

–Shea Stadium

Posted on October 6, 2009
Drinks, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Shea Stadium, Wishes & desires

What About a Light High Five?

Creepy 20-something: Hey, ma, come here a sec.
Teenage girl tourist: Uh… what?
Creepy 20-something: Please. Please… just hold me. Just hold me for a second.
Teenage girl tourist: Oh. No. I'm just gonna… no.

–Canal Street

Posted on October 4, 2009
Creepsters, Hugs, Offers and requests, Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

A Man Made That Decision– a Bad Man

Girl #1 staring at Vagisil cream in a security lock box in CVS: Oh my god, that's messed up! Come see this!
Girl #2: What's that just mean?
Girl #1, in funny voice: Ummmm… excuse me, I need my vaginal cream, please I have an itch!
Girl #2, in funny voice: Ummmm… is it a just an itchy sensation or a burning itchy sensation?
Girl #1, in funny voice: Yes, yes, please… I need my cream.
Girl #2, in funny voice: Well, that's just swell! Let me unlock that for you, then.

–Madison Ave

Posted on October 3, 2009
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Questions, Store, Vagina

Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.

11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.

–High Line

Overheard by: Kirby

NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!

–5th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Just Visiting…

Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!

–PrideFest, Abingdon Square

Overheard by: proud dad

Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.

–Starbucks

Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so

Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!

–Central Park Sheep Meadow

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Bus, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Fashionistas, Fitness, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Starbucks, Strangers, Street, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch

Ghetto fabulous sister to another, walking out of bar: You gotta be a classy ho! Bitch!

–Fulton & Lafayette, Brooklyn

Woman on cell: No! He wants a fight and I'm going to fuck her up! I'm going to snap that bitch in half! (pause) I will snap that bitch in half! (pause) Okay, I love you too. (hangs up) Oh, she messed with the wrong bitch!

–27th St, between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Hungry

Blonde yelling on cell: I was not being a bitch or picking a fight! I was saying "I love you, and these are my concerns"!

–27th St b/w Park Ave & Lexington

Overheard by: V

Girl to another: That's when I knew I was a bitch. My homegirl got kicked in the head by a ho… and I laughed!

–Coney Island Ave & Newkirk

30-something suit: I just need a bitch with an accent!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: CourtSnort

Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?

–M60 Bus