Very loud man on cell to Mexican musicians: Can you tone your music down? I'm trying to talk here!
–E Train
Overheard by: Robyn Z
Very loud man on cell to Mexican musicians: Can you tone your music down? I'm trying to talk here!
–E Train
Overheard by: Robyn Z
Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Washington has 2 men on and nobody out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sorry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drinking since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I gotta go, I’m missing the game.
He hangs up.
Guy #1: My mother calls to get the score. Turn on the radio!
–Shea Stadium
Dude: Hey, Carlos! Steal second, I won’t tell anybody!
–Shea Stadium
Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blowing the game!
–Shea Stadium
Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!
–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Derek
Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.
–66th & Columbus
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.
–Wall St
Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.
–Starbucks, Montague Street
NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.
–Kimmel Center
Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.
–Upper West Side
Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.
–2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Alisha
Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.
–1 Train
Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.
–Q Train
Overheard by: spygirl
Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby.
–Uptown A Train
Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no.
–East Village
Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding!
–N Train
Overheard by: wasn't even invited
Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring!
–40th & Madison Ave
Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing.
–9th & 15th
Overheard by: Courtney
Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!
–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents
Overheard by: jycho
Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.
–Student Center, Barnard
Overheard by: Kristine
Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!
–50th Ave & Broadway
Overheard by: Colleen
Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.
–E 10th St
Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?
–20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jesse S G
Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are.
–Astor Place
Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping.
–Broadway & Fulton
Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person!
–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.
–Supreme Court Building
Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner!
–F Train
Overheard by: Staying on the F
Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those.
–School, Lower Manhattan
Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?
–Columbus Circle
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.
–Queens College
Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rachel Peters
Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!
–B44 Bus
Overheard by: Micah
Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Smudge
Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!
–77th & Columbus
Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.
–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Maddie
Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?
–W 16th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"
–Broadway & John St
Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!
–Houston St
Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Kristin
