That’s the Biggest Wednesday One-Liner I’ve Ever Seen on a Man

Worker: … Just stick it in your pocket. I mean, seven inches isn’t bad.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: So I tried to set my password to "Penis".
Girl: […]Guy: It said my password wasn’t long enough.

–66th & Broadway

College kid to girlfriend: You make me feel sometimes like ten inches isn’t enough.

–12th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Strand Customer

Asian girl on cell: It’s six inches. [Laughs.] Wait… What’s six inches?

–CUNY Queensborough

Drunk guy pissing against wall, on cell: I got my dick out at 14th street! Yeah, it’s 14 inches!

–Union Square

Posted on April 14, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, On Cell, Penis, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Wednesday One-liners Take Home Ec

Man on pay phone: Naw, naw! You gotta tell him! We ain’t down with the broomstick!

–4th Street & 7th Avenue

Overheard by: Earl Holloway

Posted on April 13, 2015
Anger Management, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Williamsburg

It's Wednesday One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully!

–Ave B & 10th St

Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son!

–St. Marks Place

Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird.

–1st & 3rd

Overheard by: Angela

Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!

–7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans!

–CVS

Overheard by: freshly brewed.

Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common!

–7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn

Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation!

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: Raven

Posted on April 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Birds, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Coffee, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Lies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Shoes, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Yoga

It's So Hard to Feel Alone When You Have the City

Girl on cell: Hey, where are you?
Chorus of old Hispanic men, in unison: I'm right here, baby!

–Lorimer Street, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Holly

Posted on April 9, 2015
Girls, Latinos, Old People, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Weirdness, Williamsburg

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Posted on April 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Farting & Burping, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Licking, Lower East Side, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

C'mon a My Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see.

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house!

–Union Square Station

10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho.

–105th & Broadway

Overheard by: Andy

Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: peeper

City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: E

Posted on April 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Cops, Directions, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Apartment Burning Fireplace Included

Woman on cell: Yes…oh, right! You haven’t seen the place…Yeah, they just redecorated. Well, they painted. And used a lot of varnish on everything….The place is superflammable.

–91st & Lexington

Overheard by: D. Stein

Posted on April 3, 2015
Home, Sweet Home, On Cell, Upper East Side, Women

36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners

Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.

–LIRR

Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: The Sock

Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!

–G Train

Overheard by: paco

Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]

–Staten Island Ferry

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Smarlow