Male third grader: It's illegal to marry your sibling.
Female third grader: Yeah, unless you're from Europe.
–Bus
Overheard by: wishing i was still 8
Male third grader: It's illegal to marry your sibling.
Female third grader: Yeah, unless you're from Europe.
–Bus
Overheard by: wishing i was still 8
Conductor on train: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the person who is annoyingly pressing the buzzer please direct him to a conductor so they can be arrested and we can all go home.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Allison
Hobo: Now you're going to give me a quarter sir, and then I'm going to arrest you.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Eric
Guy on cell: Mike is getting his crazy ass released? For real? (pause) He's paying taxes?! Thug!
–M Train
Teenybopper: I'm going to jail tonight, I don't care. I'm gonna fuckin' kill that bitch!
–30th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: eavesdropper
Prospective employee to another: I can't believe she tells me how to fill out the fingerprint card! I've been done hauled to the precinct so many times…
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Ghetto mama: Why somebody call me from prison gotta be my husband? Hell no, that nigga is past tense!
–54 Bus
Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated)
–B1 Bus
Overheard by: Robert
Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming?
–Christopher St Pier
Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face.
–Union Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Pza
20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical?
–Denny's
Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass.
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Alison
Nursing student: Can anyone on this bus tell me why my teacher stuck his bare ungloved finger up this guy's rectum?!
(a couple of seconds later)
Nursing student: I saw some lady's uterus fall out of her vagina today, while giving birth.
Nurse also on bus: You are being really inappropriate today.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Audrey
Father: We might not make it home in time for church.
Little boy: Hallelujah! We're gonna miss church!
–Bus to Staten Island
Skater boy: I love Jennifer Aniston! I would fuck her and then leave her!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Laura
Grad student: I've been analyzing my love life from a symbolic interactionist perspective…
–Amsterdam Cafe
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy on cell: I love you…(defensively) Yes I do!
–Columbus Circle
Loud guy: You know what? Sometimes you've got to catch a few venereal diseases to find true love.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Kelsey
Man on cell: Then I thought that if I asked her out she would think that I think that she thinks that I think that she loves me.
–59th St & 8th Ave
Black girl behind the counter (after receiving a few text messages and calls): Why is everyone harassing me today? (sighs) I feel loved.
–Coldstone Creamery
Overheard by: Eli
Bus driver on loudspeaker: This bus is beautiful. We care about one another, we share our experiences, our dreams and aspirations. I love each and every one of y'all. So…that's what this is.
–X30 Bus
Overheard by: i just like him as a friend…
Woman #1: So, how are you holding up?
Woman #2: You know, doing the best I can, using the five senses.
Woman #1: There's six senses.
Woman #2: No there's five: walking, talking, breathing, reading and writing.
Woman #1: What about seeing?
Woman #2: Well yeah, there's also fire, wood, air, and water; but I don't know why they don't count those.
–B68 Bus
African American man: Seeing someone get laid out on the street is a real New York City stereotype. Like if you flew to Texas and you got picked up by a cowboy on a horse.
African American woman: More like if the plane was a pickup truck and you get dragged behind it.
–Q74 Bus
Little boy looking out window: I want to take the NYU shuttle when I go to college!
Mother: You can, if you go to NYU.
Little boy: Ohh. Nevermind.
–M103 Downtown
20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: insizlane
Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.
–East Village
Overheard by: doctors are so jaded
Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.
–44 Bus, Staten Island
(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman: My uterus just came out of my vagina.
–Coney Island Cyclone
Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.
–Houston & Macdougal
Overheard by: Lish
