Killing Me Softly with His Wednesday One-Liner

Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died!

–N Train

Overheard by: Tophs

20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband.

–R Train

Overheard by: Tara

20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die.

–Waverly & Mercer

Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop.

–Queens College

Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her.

–Canal St & Laffaette St

Overheard by: Kay

Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha!

–C Train

Overheard by: P-Diddy

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Conductors, Death, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Queens College, Soho, Stupidity, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Two Wednesdays, One-Liner

Thuggette to two friends: So we, like, had a threesome, just without the sex.

–Kingsborough Community College

Hipster boy holding Christmas wreath: Well, no, I wasn't part of the threesome.

–Pearl St & John St

Overheard by: Matthew

Blonde 30-something: I love threesomes. That's when you go shopping with two friends, right? Right?

–77th & Lexington

Overheard by: iwantinonthat

Suit on cell: Were you invited to the gangbang? I wasn't invited! She always invites me to the gangbang! Fucking whore!

–86th & Park Ave

Overheard by: i wasn't invited either!

Conductor: Man, I am telling you, those two girls were just not ready, ready for me.

–A Train

Hobo: I would like money to buy beer so I can get drunk, and take home two women so they can molest me.

–M&M Store

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Sex, Shopping, Store, Suits, Three is Company, Thugs, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

FCC Finally Regulates Overheard

Man walking against traffic: Beep! Beep! Beep!
Older black woman: Beep beep, my behind!

–6 Train

Headline by: Trey Jackson

Runners-Up:
· “At Long Last, Someone Correctly Answers David’s Mating Call” – cultural anthropologist
· “Discovered: Where Beyonce Gets Her Lyrics From” – Joel Moore
· “Is That an Insult or an Invitation?” – alan b hutscar
· “Now, If This Had Been on HBO, the Beeps Would Have Been Words…” – beep!
· “Will.i.am, Writing In Notepad: “Genius!”” – James
· “Yeah, Our Line Of Novelty Horns Is Doing Quite Well” – mk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 23, 2009
Black People, Comebacks, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Weirdness, Women

You Can't Get Good Alien Monster Pornography Anymore

Guy with mullet #1: Did you get those two pics I sent you?
Guy with mullet #2: Actually, once I downloaded them it was a letdown. I thought that the bottom one was a cross section of an elk against glass, like some deer bodies exhibit or some other fucked shit.

–L Train

Overheard by: Zev

Posted on February 22, 2009
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Internet, On the Subway, Pictures, Questions, Weirdness

She'll Change Her Tune When She Realizes They're in the Bronx

Mother to seven-year-old daughter: We take the A to 168th Street and then the 1 to 231st.
Daughter: Ah! Don't you just love travel!

–Uptown A Train

Posted on February 22, 2009
Directions, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Travel

That One Only Works on Serial Killers

Girl holding Cosmopolitan magazine, showing page to friend: Whoa! Read number eleven!
Friend: Will you guys please shut up?
Friend reading magazine: Oh, I've done that.
Girl with magazine: Wait…what's a “come-hither motion”?
Other friend, looking up at ceiling: Please kill me now.

–E Train

Overheard by: AES

Posted on February 21, 2009
Cum, Friends, Girls, Murder, On the Subway, Weirdness, Words

If You Keep Me from My After-Work Drinking, the Terrorists Win

Woman #1, after train stops: Why aren't we moving?
Woman #2, leaning out of train doors: Some lady apparently saw something, so she said something.
Woman #1: Christ, you don't do that in the evening, you do that in the morning. She should know better!

–A Train

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Posted on February 20, 2009
On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Time, Women

Plus, Kriss Angel Is Kind Of a Douche.

Dude: He had a bracelet with a universal handcuff key hidden on the inside in case he ever got in trouble.
Chick: What?
Dude: Yeah, I don't hang out with him much anymore.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Nathan

Posted on February 20, 2009
Friendship, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Weirdness

The Premise Of Every VH1 Reality Show, in a Nutshell

Slightly older and hairier gay: So, just to be clear, you do realize that you are a total twink, right?
Slightly younger and hairless gay: Duh. And I'm gonna ride that train all the way to free-drink town.

–E Train

Posted on February 19, 2009
Beauty, Drinking & Drunk People, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions

Train Deniers Are the Most Adamant Of All the Conspiracy Theorists

Recorded voice: Ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed by train traffic ahead of us. Please be patient.
Grumpy old man, to self: That's a lie. There's no train ahead of us.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on February 19, 2009
Lies, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Weirdness

On the Subway