Wednesday Ugliners

Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Dazzle

Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich

Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!

–45th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Culturally Challenged

20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.

–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant

Overheard by: elephantgiraffe

Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.

–McCarren Park Pool

Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people

Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."

–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave

Posted on October 29, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Crazies, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Idiots, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Travel, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Mr. Yankovic's Wednesday One-Liners

Random white male on cell: People thought I was weird as shit in high school… Cause I hung out with all the black people!

–Washington Square Park

Uptown girl: This place is…this is weird.

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Girl: She was weird. She had, like, a Midwestern accent or something. I think she was from Maine.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Tattooed 20-something girl: He's such a weirdo; I had to ask six times for his urine.

–J Train

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chick on cell: He's had his dick in me, but I worry it would be out of line to Facebook friend him. Modern life is so weird.

–Columbia University

Posted on October 29, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Facebook, Girls, Idiots, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Penis, Race, Rich people, School and studying, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Buy Hardware for Their Software

Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: J.D.

Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!

–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?

Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.

–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings

Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.

–Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: MattyB

Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.

–31st St & 7th Ave

30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?

–D Train

Posted on October 29, 2008
Advice, Ass, Biotechs, Black People, Christians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dildos and Vibrators, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Lesbians, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The City Has Something for Everyone

Large black girl: Damn, elephant dicks is so disgusting! I don't want no uncircumcised dicks! (to white guy walking by) I know you is circumcised, baby!
White guy (without slowing down): Long and cut.
Large black girl: Damn! I want me a dick like that!

–Outside Veniero's, 11th St

Overheard by: Just here for coffee

Posted on October 28, 2008
Black People, Circumcision, Fat People, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, White People, Wishes & desires

Have I Told This One Before?

Old drunk hobo to friends: Let me tell you guys a story. Back when I was breaking in to fucking cars this broad comes at me and takes me to this commune. Gotta be at least 50 hippies, everyone's fucking everyone, always blazed, I'm fucking everything that moves because I'm 18 and my dick is hard all the time, and all the women are walking around all fucking…
All friends together: Naked!

–4th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: rpk

Posted on October 27, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Drunks, Friends, Hobos, Nostalgia, Nudity, Old People, Orgy, Penis, The Village

Can I at Least Give You My Penis?

Hobo to smoking girl: Hey, can I give you a cigarette?
Girl: Um…that's okay. Got one.
Hobo: Oh! Well, can I get one?
Girl: It's my last one.
Hobo: Can I share it with you?
Girl: You know what…here, you can have it.
Hobo: Can I give you some spare change?
(girl walks away)

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Michele

Posted on October 17, 2008
Default, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Penis, Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

And You Should Be Grateful

Chick: You know, I call you and call you and you never answer. It's really annoying!
Dude: Well, I'm going to bed.
Chick: You're married?!
Dude: I told you that when I met you! I'm separated.
Chick: Where does your wife live?
Dude: We live together.
Chick: What? You're separated, but you live together?
Dude: Uh, yeah.
Chick: Does your wife know you're separated?
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: You told her you're separated? Or it's just understood?
Dude: Listen. At the end of the day, I'm kind of a dick.
Chick: At the end of the day, you think with your dick.
Dude: True.

–N Train

Posted on October 17, 2008
Breaking Up, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Marriage, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Relationships

Fuck Brown Paper Packages Tied Up with Strings

Girl #1: A hot, sweaty penis is the best feeling.
Girl #2: I know what you mean!

–Starbucks, 78th & Lexington

Posted on October 9, 2008
Default, Girls, Penis, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Upper East Side

Big Hard Dick, Little Soft Conscience

Girl #1: I didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Girl #2: I did…but I was drunk so I blocked it out.
Girl #1: Horrible mistake.
Girl #2: Yeah, I regret it.
Girl #1: Good fuck, though. Big dick.
Girl #2: And that's all that matters.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on October 7, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Penis, Relationships, Sexuality

Wednesday One-Liners Taste the Rainbow

Teen hipster on cell: You know, light pink is the navy blue of India. It's true! Don't ask me how I know this but I do.

–6th & 51st

Overheard by: simon

Flamboyant nasal-voiced man on cell: I'm feeling blue…like, royal blue…a little lighter…no, not baby blue…like, American flag blue…like…yeah.

–Jamaica LIRR Station

Aussie on cell: There were all these dudes wearing pink shirts…and they weren't even gay!

–55th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: wearing a pink shirt and gay

Girl to friend: So he made carrot salad and I said "Your poop is gonna be orange!"

–The Frying Pan, Chelsea

Latina: Well, she said "It wasn't white! It was yellow!" So I was like, "Well, was it at least shaped like a penis?"

–4th Ave & 40th, Brooklyn

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Food, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hipsters, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, Train Station, Trains Not Subway