Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Drunk derelict #1: I invented big league chew!
Drunk derelict #2: You also have hepatitis.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Stuy Girl: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Stuy Guy: Well, I really want to just own some cows in Spain.
Stuy girl: Um, and do what with them?
Stuy Guy: Uh, milk them…I guess.
Stuy Girl: That’s not very realistic.
Stuy Guy: Yeah, I was thinking more in terms of like, if I didn’t have to survive…
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: jules
Middle-aged black woman: William Shatner should run for president or governor or mayor or something… He’s got the charisma.
–Staten Island Ferry snack bar
Overheard by: Stephanie
Hobo spinning in circles: ‘Bout time we got some poontang in the White House! There’s a first time for everything!
–117th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Thug, watching Elliot Spitzer and Chuck Schumer drive by: Who da fuck these niggas?
–Super Bowl Parade
Overheard by: No idea
Scholar: I’m voting for Osama Barack.
–F train
Overheard by: Terrorized
Conductor: Grand Central Station. Two and Three trains across the platform. Change here for the Seven, A, C, E, and shuttle to Times Square. Vote Obama.
–1 train, Grand Central
Drunk guido during post-Super Bowl rioting: I mean, who cares who the next president is after this?
–52nd & 2nd
Overheard by: NCS
Three-year-old: Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend!
–60th & 5th
Overheard by: Rich
Hobo singing to self: Pussy’s like a lickety split, but if you miss, you wind up in a world of shit.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Blind weelbo: Amaaazing grace, how sweet the sound… I once was blind aaand I still am…
–F train
Overheard by: Sara
Large thug, singing in falsetto: I will looove agaaain, even if it takes a lifetime to get ooover youuu…
–Milano Market, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Talentless busker, singing: All my loving, I will send to you… All my loving, darling, I’ll be true [tries to whistle instrumental break, and fails]. My lip! There’s something wrong with my lip!
–63rd & Lex Ave station
Overheard by: Aloof Loner
Voice on PA system: Attention — if you want to preach, we ask that you please move around the boat. Again, don’t stand in one place; please continue moving around the boat if you want to preach.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Kate
Crazy guy: Ladies and gentlemen, the Bible says that the fire will come in the form of locusts. Ladies and gentlemen, the Apache helicopter created by the U.S. Army is in the shape of locusts. If you don’t believe me, look it up. Please believe me, ladies and gentlemen…
–2 train
Overheard by: beeloo
God Squad guy: Let Jesus be your lawyer! OJ Simpson, Michael Jackson — what did they have? Good lawyers! On Judgment Day, you’re going to need a lawyer! Let Jesus represent you!
–Roosevelt Ave station
Overheard by: How come Jesus didn’t represent himself at the Crucifiction?
Black Jewish preacher: Bad boy, bad boy — whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when Jesus come for you?
–21st St
Man: Everything you see belongs to the Lord. He is willing to save your soul. [Cell phone rings, and he answers] Hi, honey… I’m in the Bronx, preaching… I told you last night, remember? I said, ‘God is telling me to preach in the Bronx.’ Yes, I did tell you! [Hisses] You never fucking listen!
–6 train
Thug dad to toddler after bumping stroller down stairs: I call that there ride ‘The Earthquake.’ You like that? … Well, see, you’re too young to appreciate the magnitude of what just happened.
–A train
Overheard by: Stephie
Ghetto mom to seven-year-old kid: You don’t know how to hustle! You ain’t no hustler, she ain’t no hustler… No hustlin’.
–137th & Broadway
Overheard by: should she be saying that to a 7 year old?
Mom to eight-year-old daughter: This is not about apostrophes! This is about verbal agreement!
–F train at Broadway-Lafayette
Mom to son climbing on ferry railing: You wanna jump? I’ll throw you. Then I ain’t gotta buy you no Power Ranger.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: autumn
Mother to three-year-old trailing behind: Stay close, baby, you know how ferry men like to take little boys.
–Whitehall Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Ryn
Mom: Boy, don’t you listen? I swear, I will tear your ass up on this bus in front of everyone if you don’t behave. [Kid ignores her, and mom pulls out cell.] Fine, I’ll call Santa on yo’ misbehavin’ ass.
–BX 21 bus
Woman holding child’s hand: You’re my daughter, right? Okay, good.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Nervous
Little girl: Mommy used to give me booby, but now she gives the baby booby.
Uncle: That’s what mommies do.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: greenwood
Southern tourist: Do you know where this boat takes us?
Upstate tourist: Ummm, Staten Island.
Southern tourist: Thanks! Everything is so confusing here.
Upstate tourist, to friends: Who the hell gets on a boat without knowing where it goes? And it’s the frickin’ Staten Island Ferry!
–Staten Island Ferry
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
