High school girl: On the internet, Nike will let you put your name on some dunks.
High school boy: They gonna let you put “hooker” on their shoe?
High school girl (pissed): I told you that ain't my name!
–W. 72nd Station
High school girl: On the internet, Nike will let you put your name on some dunks.
High school boy: They gonna let you put “hooker” on their shoe?
High school girl (pissed): I told you that ain't my name!
–W. 72nd Station
Conductor: Attention passengers. Have your ticket out so you can be inspected and accepted, or rejected and ejected. Also, there is no smoking or urinating inside, outside, between, under, above, or around the train. Do not stick any appendages out the windows, or you will lose them.
–Grand Central
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last stop on this train, please remember to take all your belongings with you. Also, you'll want to remember to take the little ones, because we charge too much for babysitting.
–J Train
Overheard by: Penny
Small child's voice on subway speaker: Next stop, one two fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee!
–B Train
Overheard by: john
Conductor over loudspeaker: Hey! To the kid who just gave me the finger–grow up!
–F Train
Overheard by: Bernie
Conductor: Know where you need to go–East Side or West Side, cause we ain't going where you think. Those of you who know what I mean, tell the person next to you who hasn't a clue. Help me out here, people–help me out.
–2 Train
Overheard by: know what you mean
Conductor: This is a Downtown Express c train. Express express express express express express. Express. Don't say I didn't warn you, people.
–C Train
Conductor: For those of you getting off at Seaford Station, the front two cars will not platform at Seaford. I suggest you take the time now to move back to the cars that will make the platform at Seaford…or you can do what everyone does anyway and wait until the last minute and panic.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Girl #1: Look at that old bitch in a schoolgirl outfit.
Girl #2: Shhhiiitt, what!? She think she going to school?!
Girl #1: Yah! Slut school!
–L Train Platform
Overheard by: Maria
South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day… my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!
–NYU
Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.
–Duane Reade, Union Square
Overheard by: Traczie
Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?
–History of American Women Class, Pace University
Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!
–66th Street Subway Platform
Overheard by: Seth
Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!
–161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx
Overheard by: li'l squeaker
Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."
–Nederlander Theater
Overheard by: julia
Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.
–Broadway & Waverly
Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!
–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Doug Tischler
Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: r. faith
Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.
–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St
Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.
–Bellerose, Queens
Teen: Excuse me officer, do you guys still do that thing where you get a grand for turning in people with guns?
Cop: Yeah, if they are arrested and are in possession of illegal firearms.
Teen: So, is that like a grand per head kinda deal?
Officer: I don't think so, no.
Teen: Oh…I don't know shit. (walks away)
–Columbus Circle Station
Overheard by: Graham Davis
College girl #1: So I think I’ll just get the whole thing waxed, so that the next time I go, it just won’t hurt that much.
College girl #2: I don’t get it.
College girl #1: Like, I’ll be hairy the first time, so it will hurt, and then when I go back, I’ll be like: “Oh, that wasn’t as painful as the first time.”
College girl #2: Shit, shut up! You’re so loud! Now that guy knows you have a hairy vagina.
–Union Square Train Station
Overheard by: the trainman
Five-year-old son: I’m mad at you.
Mom: Why honey?
Five-year-old son: Because you wouldn’t buy me an umbrella!
Mom: You never asked for one!
–Times Square Shuttle
Overheard by: Heather
20-something girl: Today I saw the cutest rat, it was just sitting there cleaning itself.
20-something guy: No way! I saw a cute rat today too. When I came to New York I thought that all the rats would be huge with glowing eyes and sharp fangs, but I kind of wanted to keep it… Look! I even wrote it down. (gets out notebook) Saw first rat today, it was surprisingly cute.
–4 Train Station
(random guy trips over three-year-old girl’s stroller)
Guy: Oops, I’m sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don’t call me honey!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Michael
