Young Urban Professional Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.

–14th & 8th

Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!

–St. Mark's Place

Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…

–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill

Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!

–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave

Posted on November 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Height, Kids, Men, Money & Class, One-liners, Philosophy, Pictures, Psychology, Questions, Rack, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words, Yuppies

There's No Pill for What Wednesday One-Liners Have

Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: chris

Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!

–1st Ave & St. Mark's

Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lola Black

Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.

–W 4th St

20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.

–Café

Posted on November 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Cancer, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Illness, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

That's Just How New Yorkers Say “Sorry”

Guy to cabbie: Hi, can you take me to Queens?
Cabbie: Can't you see I have passengers?
Passenger, rolling down window: Hi, we're in here.
Guy: Thank you! You are an asshole!

–6th Ave & W 4th

Overheard by: James

Posted on October 28, 2015
Cabbies, Directions, Guys, Insults, Passengers, Public Transportation, The Village

How to Get Banned from the Vatican, in One Easy Step.

College bro #1, walking quickly: And then we can cum on the floor!
College bro #2: Yeah, dude! Cum on the floor!

–University Place

Overheard by: Wondering Whose Floor

Posted on October 27, 2015
Cum, Frat Boys, The Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jeff

Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay!

–7th Ave & 6th St

Overheard by: NottRob

Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with.

–21st St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jonas

Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party.

–28th St & Lexington

Overheard by: sounds like a rager

Posted on October 18, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Sexuality, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Dog: If I Bit That Kid, I Could Die Happy

Boy: Look mommy, it's a doggy, it's going to say “ruff!”
(dog stares at boy)
Boy: Oh… It's not a ruff doggy…
Mom: No, honey, it's a sweet doggy.
Boy (wide eyed): It can say “sweet?”

–Washington Mews & University

Overheard by: Tyler

Posted on October 12, 2015
Kids, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, Moms, The Village, Words

All Driving Skills Improve (Try It!)

Girl: He gets it up, but he can’t keep it up. He doesn’t understand he’s dating a Puerto Rican, he needs to keep it hard.
Guy: He’s Irish. You have to understand he has to drink.
Girl: Actually when he drinks, it’s better. His sex drive improves.

–The Village Tavern, Bedford Street

Posted on October 5, 2015
Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, People, Puerto Ricans, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village, White People

One of Them Gave a Ride to Jackie Paper and Everything

Hip gay teen girl #1: But she doesn't like fantasy!
Hot gay teen girl: Well, I don't like fantasy either, like I don't like Dungeons and Dragons, or dinosaurs, or anything.
Hip gay teen girl #2: But…dinosaurs were real.

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Samwell