Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean?

–Broadway b/w 112th & 113th

Overheard by: Ladle

Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower.

–Penn Station

Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Nathan

20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed.

–Washington Square

Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again!

–Spring St & Crosby St

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cleanliness, Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Penn Station, Preppies, Questions, Shopping, Soho, Stupidity, Thugs, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

From the Glade Plug-Ins “Pussy Passion” Collection…

Thug to female friend: Damn, I ain't never gonna have my house stop smelling like pussy.
Spanish passerby, in Spanish: I hope he is talking about his cats.

–136th & Broadway

Overheard by: gator city girl

Posted on February 27, 2009
Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Home, Sweet Home, Latinos, Sensory Experiences, Thugs, Vagina, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Lot to Swallow

Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!

–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: A great man

Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.

–7th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: mattamore

Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!

–Penn Station

Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?

–Bench, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Horrified

Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?

–Avenue B & 13th

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Suits, Thugs, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Two Wednesdays, One-Liner

Thuggette to two friends: So we, like, had a threesome, just without the sex.

–Kingsborough Community College

Hipster boy holding Christmas wreath: Well, no, I wasn't part of the threesome.

–Pearl St & John St

Overheard by: Matthew

Blonde 30-something: I love threesomes. That's when you go shopping with two friends, right? Right?

–77th & Lexington

Overheard by: iwantinonthat

Suit on cell: Were you invited to the gangbang? I wasn't invited! She always invites me to the gangbang! Fucking whore!

–86th & Park Ave

Overheard by: i wasn't invited either!

Conductor: Man, I am telling you, those two girls were just not ready, ready for me.

–A Train

Hobo: I would like money to buy beer so I can get drunk, and take home two women so they can molest me.

–M&M Store

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Sex, Shopping, Store, Suits, Three is Company, Thugs, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Imagine His Shock Upon Learning What His Girl Meant When She Said “I've Got a Bun in the Oven”

Girl: How much for a pig in a blanket?
Thug #1: A what now?
Girl: A pig in a blanket. See, there. (points to pretzel dogs)
Thug #1: Oh, a hot dog!
Thug #2: A hot dog?
Thug #1: A hot dog! Like, I thought she meant a pig wrapped up in a blanket.

–Pretzel stand, Penn Station

Headline by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Runners-Up:
· “And I Still Don’t Get Why People Ask for Rocks in Their Drinks at the Bar!” – time in a cube
· “Because a Hot Dog Is a Much More Logical Name for Them” – shah
· “Do You Mean MY Pig in YOUR Blanket?” – Joe
· “In Their Defense, There Was a Cop Wearing Layers Right Next to the Hot Dog Stand” – Andrew
· “Like My Penis” – Vivi
· “No, No, Those Are the HOBO Dogs” – Sodajerk
· “Those’re Five Bucks, but You Gotta Know a Guy in Chinatown” – Seth
· “When She Asked for a Bloody Mary He Fainted” – Brik
· “Yo, I Just Be Keepin It Literal” – jason

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 19, 2009
Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Headline Contest Winners, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Thugs, Weirdness, Words

It's Just As Easy to Mop Up Human Feces with French Tips

Thug janitor #1, looking down at his fingernails: I get my shit manicured every week.
Thug janitor #2: Yeeeah, yeeeeah, yeeeeah!

–Bathroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Astonished

Posted on February 19, 2009
Body Parts, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Thugs, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, College, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I'd Love To, Baby, but My Wednesday One-Liner Won't Let Me Date

Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Overheard by: penelope

Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.

–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt

Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.

–A Train

Overheard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"

–Grand Concourse

Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Radio City Music Hall

Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amina

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compliments, Conductors, Cops, Food, Friends, Infidelity, Insults, Laundromat, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sex, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Theater, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

“…Now Just Say Thank You and Raise My Babies”

Thug #1: Yo, two girls was fightin' over me 'cause I fucked them both!
Thug #2 (pumping fist in the air): Yeeaahhhh! I seen it!
Thugette: I'd be like, “bitches, it's not like I fucked you at the same time or nothin'!”

–40th & 5th

Overheard by: She has a point

Posted on February 12, 2009
Fighting and ass kicking, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Promiscuity, Sex, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation

Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Alice

Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!

–44th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: would never buy that shit

NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!

–8th & Broadway

Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Glad I had a map

Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.

–51 & Lexington

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Directions, Families, Friends, Girls, Insults, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Only in New York, Punks, Smegma, Stoners, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Thugs