Rude famous guy: Do you know who I am?!
Waitress: No… But I know your type…
–Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: Martin
Rude famous guy: Do you know who I am?!
Waitress: No… But I know your type…
–Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: Martin
Girl #1: He was a narcissistic asshole, and I’m glad to be rid of him, but god I’ll miss that big dick.
Girl #2: There’s better dick in the sea, and I’m sure you’ll come upon some.
–Union Square
Overheard by: I feel you girl
Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Erin and Willa
Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"
–Rivington & Essex
Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.
–2 Train
Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!
–5th Ave & 86th
Overheard by: GerMan in NY
Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!
–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.
–1st & St. Mark's
Husky chucklehead boyfriend: Yo! Would it be bad to take a dump in Filene's Basement?!
Preoccupied girlfriend: Ummmm…
–Filene's Basement, Union Square
Overheard by: TMI
Girl #1: What do you call a person who delivers newspapers?
Girl #2: A “delivery person.”
Girl #1: Fine, be the non-conformist.
Girl #2: What would the conformist say?
Girl #1: “Paperboy,” and then get confused because what if it's an old woman?
Girl #2: Oh right, so, “paper person.” But then it sounds like those paper people chains I used to make as a kid, except mine were always awful and deformed…because you make one little mistake and then they're all fucked up. Suddenly I've got a chain of twenty-one legged freaks and can't sleep at night.
Girl #1: “Twenty one-legged freaks.” Not “twenty-one legged freaks.”
Girl #2: Though both terrifying.
Girl #1: The heck you talking about?
–Union Square
Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.
–Queens Boulevard
Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.
–85th & Columbus
Overheard by: cisium
Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!
–PATH
Overheard by: Best line I heard all night
Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!
–2nd Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz
Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.
–Barnes & Noble
Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.
–9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Smoking Student
Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.
–Midtown
Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.
–C Train
Overheard by: evan
White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Aileen
Hipster girl on cell: Kim, I’m such a spaz! I forgot it was Wednesday, and I forgot I was supposed to meet you for lunch. So I’m on the Upper East Side and —
Black guy yelling: No, you ain’t! You at Union Square, bitch!
Hipster girl on cell: –Sorry. I’m on the Upper East Side and I don’t have time to go downtown right now.
–Union Square
Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria.
–Times Square
Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down.
–Jersey Transit
Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid!
–13th & 3rd
Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section!
–Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ross
Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!
–13th St
Overheard by: questioning the physics
Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!
–84th & Amsterdam Ave
One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.
–72nd St & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.
–Ess-A-Bagel
Overheard by: Emma
NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo
Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: ttny
