Guy #1: Oh my god, Jim, when I was straight 20 years ago I would have though that Julia was so hot.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, totally hot.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Guy #1: Oh my god, Jim, when I was straight 20 years ago I would have though that Julia was so hot.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, totally hot.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Blonde #1: Look — a statue of Gandhi.
Blonde #2: Look how skinny he is.
Blonde #1: I’m hella-jealous.
Blonde #2: Ditto. I wonder how he did it.
Blonde #1: Anorexia, probably.
Blonde #2: Figures. Maybe him and Nicole Richie are related [giggles].
Blonde #1: I don’t get it — she’s not Indian, is she?
–Union Square
Overheard by: kwhatwhat
Guy to girl: All I know about your baby is that as long as it's in your stomach, it's not gonna be underfed. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out with a chicken wing in its mouth.
–MacDougal & 3rd St
Overheard by: Jaco
Older hipster man, in front of organic section: So these eggs are tortured chicks, and these are non-tortured chicks… Hmmm…
–Fairmay Market, Red Hook
Overheard by: RStein
Black guy: Yo, black guy! Where is the nearest place I can get fried chicken? I want some fried chicken and grape soda!
–Union Square
Random guy on escalator: Fuck anime, I can't wait for that juicy buffalo chicken sandwich.
–Kinokuniya Bookstore
Overheard by: Chris Coll
Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!
–Broadway & 72nd
Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.
–12th St
(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!
–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo
Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!
–Union Square Subway
30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.
–Hell's Kitchen
Local hipster chick: Well, what did you think of the show?
Jersey girl: It was different… better than going back to Hoboken and falling asleep on my couch.
–Theater above KGB bar
Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!"
–13th & Broadway
Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease.
–Cafe Esperanto
Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick!
–R Train
Overheard by: going to the clinic
Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS.
–Columbia University
20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience…
–34th between 2nd and 3rd
Overheard by: LadyEDdy
Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where!
–School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University
Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her!
–Blue Hill Restaurant
Girl: Aaron! Hi!
Guy: Hey! Are you going to the thing?
Girl: Yeah, the thing!
(guy starts walking away)
Girl: Wait, Aaron! Hold up!
Guy: What?
Girl: Did you see that puppy?
Guy: Yeah, I pointed at it and laughed at it a few times.
–Cooper Square
Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: joy
Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!
–16th St & 7th Ave
Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.
–Brooklyn
Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Diaz
Cashier guy: Would you like to donate a dollar to the March of Dimes?
Girl: Uh, no thank you.
Cashier guy: Aw, poor preemies.
–K-mart, East 8th Street
Dude: Is she a stripper?
Girl: I don’t think so. Although she does hang around a lot of French people.
Dude: What about the guy…is he French?
Girl: Must be. He smells like hardwood floors.
–Union Square
