20-something girl #1: Yeah, a guy's not so much a lady-killer when he drops the phrase “your boobs are so awesome!” without a hint of irony.
20-something girl #2: That's nothing. I once had a guy tell me my vagina was like a tank.
20-something girl #1, laughing: Are you serious?
–NJ Transit
Duane Reade employee, pointing to back of store: You can't go in there, the floor's just been waxed.
Swaying drunk girl: So has my vagina, that doesn't mean people aren't allowed in there!
–Duane Reade
(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!
–M101 Bus
(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!
–Union Square
Overheard by: I Looked Away
Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!
–Q Train
Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.
–30 Rock
Overheard by: MusicMagGirl
Guy selling city maps, singing to beat of nearby music: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It's not a trap!
–Central Park
Ghetto guy selling knockoff perfumes on street: Don't ask me where I got em' from, just get em' before the police come. I got DKNY, my mami J.Lo… Get em' folks! Get em'
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Alli
Street vendor to customer examining knockoff purses: Hurry it up. I need money.
–Madison & 59th St
Overheard by: Jennifer
Wannabe hip hop artist: Y'all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beautiful forehead. Please buy my CD.
–Times Square
Guy handing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagina?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Brett
Father to son: No five-year-old should be asking for Chilean sea bass for dinner.
–Joralemon & Court
Dapper man on cell: You used to be able to pass for twenty… uh… eight.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Chuckell
Middle aged woman clutching Twilight book, trying to exit bus while reading: God! These novels for 13-year-olds make me hot!
–B7 Bus
Overheard by: i know, i love it too…
Prissy woman on cell: I don't care if he's six years old, he doesn't have to throw a fucking temper tantrum every time he wakes up. I mean, get over yourself.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Eric
Guy to friend: I'm thirty years old now. I'm over thirty. I don't know how to live. I'm an "adult" now. But I don't know how to live–without someone taking care of me.
–F Train
Overheard by: Jason B
Older woman to almost-dead father: Dad, the doctor told me I have a 45-year-old vagina!
–Manhattan Office
Girl #1: She smelled like vagina.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: No, she smelled like bloody vagina.
–Union Square
Woman to friend: I just don't understand these women. I mean, get your head out of your bush and look around!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: rawr
Girl: Oh, I was wondering why my vagina was vibrating!
–Salvation Army, 11th & 4th
Man on sidewalk, waving arms: I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't get enough pussy!
–125th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: wonders why
Woman on cell: I get my pussy eaten out so much I don't even want it anymore.
–Staten Island Ferry
Girl on cell: Oh, come on, I can see her vagina from here!
–Court St & Dean St, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Astigmatic
Perky volunteer selling candy: Hi! Would you like to buy a chocolate vagina?
Black woman: No, thank you, I already have my own chocolate vagina!
–V-Day Event, W 36th St
Overheard by: Rita
Girl #1: All I know is, you need to take care of your pussy first, then worry about your damn hair.
Girl #2: I already told you I'm goin' to the damn doctor to get that shit looked at, now lemme go get my extensions in peace.
Girl #1: You can get all the extensions, weaves and whatnot you want, but if your pussy stays rotten, ain't nobody gonna get anywhere near that shit.
Girl #2: Bitch, will you shut up about my damn pussy. Everybody gotta hear about my pussy? Shit, now we got half the damn city hearing about my pussy!
Girl #1: They probably smell it too.
Girl #2: Fuck you, bitch!
Girl #1: Say fuck you all you want, a weave and fixing your pussy.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I was watching some porn the other day and saw the creepiest thing! (pause) No, it's not a penis. I've seen penises before. (pause) No, it wasn't an ugly penis. That would be like…what, a herpes penis? (pause) So anyway, I was watching this porno, right? This guy lubed up his head and stuck it into a vagina. Like, up to his friggin'…past his nose! (pause, then laughing) I get off on lubed-up heads? (pause) Yeah, he was bald.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Preppy guy: If it's made out of brass, it's not pornographic.
–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Guy on cell: Yeah, so I got this one called Stick it in Deep.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: j
Indignant law student: Look, the fact is, the videos of animal torture were not being used for sexual gratification!
–Fordham Law School
Beatnik professor: The internet is only good for two things. Online banking is not one of them. If you online bank, then you're fucked for life. They'll steal your identity. The internet is good for porn, and for getting underwear on sale. Now, I know many people may find buying a brassiere online to be strange, but women do it anyway. Now, the internet is great for porn, but you can't do kiddie porn. If you do kiddie porn then they'll get you. We all know who they are.
–Queens College
