White woman: Do you have a middle name?
Black guy: James. James Bond.
White woman: What?
Black guy: James Bond.
White woman: You’re fired!
–Broadway & Cortlandt
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
White woman: Do you have a middle name?
Black guy: James. James Bond.
White woman: What?
Black guy: James Bond.
White woman: You’re fired!
–Broadway & Cortlandt
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?
–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca
Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.
–Pratt Institute
Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.
–Austin St, Forest Hills
Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.
–1 New York Plaza
Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?
–Wall Street
Overheard by: …I almost asked
30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.
–Court St. & Montague
Overheard by: Kaiti
Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!
–G Train
Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips
Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!
–Queens
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Lady lawyer #1: I can’t even relax when I’m getting a massage. I have to concentrate on relaxing.
Lady lawyer #2: Have you tried Valium?
Lady lawyer #1: No.
Lady lawyer #3: Have you tried pot?
–Office, Liberty Plaza
Girl #1: Okay, so you know how my dad asked me if I wanted to see Counting Crows and Maroon 5 last week?
Girl #2: Yeah, what the hell was he thinking?
Girl #1: I dunno man, but today he asked me if I wanted to see Rush.
Girl #2: Dude, what the fuck?
Girl #1: Well in his defense, he thought they were Journey.
–Pizzeria Uno, South Street Seaport
Guy #1: So I had my colonoscopy Tuesday. It was like I lost an hour out of my life.
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Oh that stuff they give you to make you sleepy. It gives you
amnesia or something.
Guy #2: That’s messed up.
Guy #1: So my girlfriend tells me afterwords like five times that they removed a polyp and that they think it could be pre-cancerous. I won’t know until next week or something.
Guy #2: So where do you want to get lunch?
–Wall between Pearl & Hanover
Overheard by: Barb Ordell
Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art dealer, but I’m like, the least bourgeois person I know.
–Smith & Mills (restaurant in Tribeca)
Overheard by: the lerpa
Little boy to friends: There are are four really big, important artists: Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pistachio.
–Impressionism Room, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: I love Pistachio’s green period
Young girl: These paintings smell nice and fresh!
–The Met
Angry white suburban artist to Jews for Jesus: Stop talking! You are pushing this on me without me asking -that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here -we are all white suburban artists.
–Morgan L Stop on Bogart
Overheard by: not a hipster
Gangsta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Picasso or some shit?
–The Met
Four-year-old #1: Do you know who Slash is?
Four-year-old #2: Nope. What is it?
Four-year-old #1: He is from the Guns and the Roses.
Four-year-old #2: What’s that?
Four-year-old #1: It’s dangerous.
–World Financial Center
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
