Have You Ever Read Wednesday One-Liners… on Weed?

Man on cell: Do you have any (quieter and mumbled) bagms? (pause, more intense) Do you have any (mumbled)? (one word at a time) Weed! Weed! Do you have any weeeed? (pause) No? Nothing? Well you're not much of a drug dealer then, are you?

–77th St & 3rd Ave, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: fet

Hipster: …becoming a teacher and then getting arrested for marijuana possession in South Korea.

–L Train

Overheard by: paola

Boy running by: They're playing frisbee! I have to roll a joint!

–Pratt Institute

Teenage girl to guy with long hair and long beard in a tie-dye shirt: You look like you could be some kind of famous stoner.

–L Train

Mother to seven-year-old son (angrily): Don't you ever tell anyone else at school that I smoke marijuana! I'll go to jail and you'll be dead! (suddenly calm) It is, however, something I personally believe people should have a right to do.

–M102 Bus

Posted on July 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Education, Global Geography, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Stoners, Threats, Weed

Every Artist Has His Own Medium

Drunk black guy #1: That’s when I started cooking with weed. The Jamaicans told me you can cook with it.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black guy #1: I made chicken soup with that shit. I had soupy chicken weed. I was high as fuck.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black woman: You ever had weed fishcakes? Weed fishcakes. I make that shit.
Drunk black guy #2: Fishcakes?
Drunk black woman: And pork fried weed.
Drunk black guy #1: I want to come to your parties. You creative.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey

Posted on July 28, 2008
Advice, Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Food, Guys, On the Subway, Weed, Women

Wednesday One-Liners May Not Be Suitable for All Audiences

Ex-girlfriend about ex-boyfriend: I mean, he’s not exactly the kind of person to say: "I hear there’s a really great documentary about genocide playing at the film forum."

–Café near NYU

Overheard by: robin

Chick with Super-8 to random stranger: Excuse me, would you mind being the pickpocket in our silent film?

–The Montauk Club

Overheard by: torchwood lesbian

Man on phone: I wanna watch it in June so I can watch it stoned… Watching Harold and Kumar not stoned is like eating bread without butter!

–Train to Grand Central

Girl: Indiana Jones is what type of movie? Is it a life movie?

–43rd Street and 8th Ave

Overheard by: Ferris

Girl to friend: Did you get it? There were like a lot of metaphors in that movie, like label versus no label.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinema, after Midnight Showing of the Sex & The City Movie

Girl to boyfriend: If I don’t like movies about belts, am I going to like this movie?

–Smith & Wyckoff, Brooklyn

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Film, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Grand Central, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Trains Not Subway, Weed

Not Knowing CSI Has No Secret Agents

Kid #1, sharing iPod with kid #2: Hey, it’s the CSI song!
Kid #2: (laughs) Yeah.
Kid #1: It’s like we’re secret agents!
Kid #2: (laughs) No.
Kid #1: Yeah! It is.
Kid #2: No… It’s like, we’re stoners on the subway listening to The Who.

–F Train

Posted on June 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Kids, Music, On the Subway, TV, Weed

New Yorkers Are Entertainers First

Kid #1: They be profiling us, though! Did you see the way the cops came directly up to us?
Kid #2: Calm down, peoples is lookin’ at us.
Kid #1: That shit pisses me off though! They think we all just smoke weed and sell drugs!
Kid #2: But that’s all we ever do, smoke week and sell drugs!
[Kids laugh, onlookers try not to].

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fet

Posted on May 3, 2008
Advice, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drugs, Fears, Friends, Gangstas, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Questions, Weed, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are No Longer Considered a Planet

Girl, to boyfriend: And that’s why you can never trust the emotions or actions of someone whose star sign is ruled by mars.

–20th & 7th

Overheard by: ALR

Barista to waiter: I don’t mind that I spent $130 on a pair of Oakleys cause I can look at the sun for a while and it won’t hurt my eyes.

–Long Island Railroad

Overheard by: Chris K.

Baby boomer hippie to college student: Dude, I just got me some of that Afghani shit. Took me to the mooooooon and back, baby!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Summer

Doonesbury looking dude: Imagine what life would be like without the sun.

–40th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Ledbetter

Girl, being shaken awake by friend: But Rachel, where are you going to put the black hole?

–A Train

Bum on street, to several protesters passing by in pure white bio-hazard suits: Aw… You people wait right there, I’m a run and get some cigarettes then I’m comin’ to the moon with ya’ll. Seriously… Wait.

–45 & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Comack

Posted on April 23, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astronomy, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Homeless, Long Island, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Shopping, Street, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Weed, Words

And Don’t You Dare Insult Crack

Taxi driver to colleague: Man, you know I don’t smoke that marijuana. How could you say that? It doesn’t do anything for me. So, I smoke crack. [turns to a young woman with bags] Want a taxi?
Young woman: No, especially if you smoke crack.
Taxi driver: It doesn’t matter what I smoke. If you can’t afford a taxi, just say that. Don’t insult me.

–In front of the Pathmark on Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on April 12, 2008
Brooklyn, Cabbies, Compare/Contrast, Hard Drugs, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Weed, Women

The Shameless Name Dropping Of Wednesday One-Liners

Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.

–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway

Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.

–11th & Bedford

NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Maya G.

Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken

Posted on April 9, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Baristas, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Duane Reade, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, Politics, Questions, Rich people, S&M, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Vendsday One-Liners

Perfume guy: Gucci! Gucci! Gucci’ll get you a hoochie!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: alison

Woman selling belongings on street: Look here, deodorant! Brand new! One dollar.

–44th, between Lex & 3rd

Hawker with "Cheney/Satan ’08" bumper stickers: Inappropriate stickers here!

–Outside Grand Central

Musician to passerby eating cookie: If you like cookies, you’ll love my new album!

–9th & 6th

Overheard by: Gil

AM New York lady to another: Bitch, don’t be comin’ over here! AM New York, people — get your AM New York! Fuck you, you bitch, I been here since seven AM every day this week. Don’t be givin’ me that shit. Get your lazy ass off my corner ‘fore I cut you! Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! AM New York, people, AM New York…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BJ

Comedy hawker: Free bag of marijuana with your purchase! Yaaay!

–43rd & 7th

Overheard by: Sarah R

Posted on April 2, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, Comedians, Default, Etiquette, Ghetto Chicks, Grand Central, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Store, Threats, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Weed, Weirdness, Women, Words