The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service!

–Franklin Ave Subway

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Overheard by: Zack

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway

Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love.

–Kimmel, NYU

Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

–Duane Reade

Posted on July 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blue-collar workers, Duane Reade, Excretions, Fat People, Food, Free stuff!, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Love, More museums, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thievery, Thugs, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Oh Look, That Guy's Taking a Dump!

Tourist mom to kid: There's some weird smells around here…
Suit: Nah, that's New York you're smelling. Dog piss, hobos piss, hobos barf… Ah, the glory of the Great White Way.

–Times Square

Overheard by: i love new york.

Posted on July 11, 2015
Homeless, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Only in New York, Pee, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Vomit, Weirdness

Back Up– What Guy's Blood?

Girl: Is that that guy's blood on your shoe?
Friend: Oh, no! That's actually chocolate ice cream from Mister Softee… Mmmm Mister Softee.
Girl: Oh, nice!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on July 11, 2015
Blood & bleeding, Food, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Shoes, Weirdness

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Nobody Knows the Trouble Wednesday One-Liners Seen

Hobo to white guy walking with three black friends: What's up, slave owner?

–The Village

Girl on phone: We should practice selling ourselves to each other.

–Subway Sandwiches, 38th & 7th

Crazy man on train: America! America! Anybody wanna buy some white people?

–A Train

Ditzy girl to friend: So I had this black boyfriend one time, and we had to break up because he kept talking about slavery. I was all, hello, I'm Czech, my people were slaves too.

–Columbia University School of Social Work

Overheard by: Eric

Black toddler to mortified white nanny: Wanna play slave?

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Crazy, Friends, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

WednesDEA One-Liners

Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!

–6th Ave & 34h St

Overheard by: Emily

College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?

–33rd & 3rd

Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.

–23rd & 10th

Overheard by: Matt

Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?

–Duane Reade

Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.

–Trader Joe's, Union Square

Overheard by: Kat

Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!

–Wagner College

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crime and Punishment, Drinks, Druggies, Drugs, Duane Reade, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Love, Medicine, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Store, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Governor's Mansion Ain't What It Used to Be, Baby

20-something grunge girl #1: So I plan on getting really trashed tonight, do you think I can crash there tonight?
20-something grunge girl #2: I wouldn't recommend it. Last time I crashed there I ended up with scabies.

–L Train

Overheard by: Anthony's Gal

Posted on July 10, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness

If Only There Were a Way to Get Sober Enough to Figure It Out

Sleep-deprived art student #1: Sorry, I'm just…you know.
Sleep-deprived art student #2: Yeah, I know, me too. Do you ever just like wake up confused?
Sleep-deprived art student #1: Yeah!
Sleep-deprived art student #2: Just about like, what time even means?
Sleep-deprived art student #1: Yeah! I'm always like that.
Sleep-deprived art student #2: Me too…

–Pratt Institute

Posted on July 9, 2015
College, Students, Time, Weirdness

The DVD's Selling Briskly

Girl #1: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl #2: Of course!
Girl #1: Yay! Let's smear dark chocolate all over our buttocks and spank each other with peacock feathers! And suck on each others candy necklaces.
Girl #2: You're kinky.
Girl #1: You know it.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: kinkyvalentines

Posted on July 9, 2015
Ass, Celebrations/Parties, Fashion, Food, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, The Village, Weirdness

Weirdness