Wednesday One-Liners Stimulate the Economy

Tourist, loudly and proudly: They have this store at the mall!

–Louis Vuitton, 5th Ave

College girl: The second floor was pointless. It was, like, just furniture.

–Ikea, Brooklyn

Woman on cell: I'm not in a store! I know what a store looks like!

–Tompkins Square Park

Perturbed NYU chick, about New Orleans: Hopefully I will survive there for two years. They don't have H&M! Or Bloomingdale's or Anthropologie. They don't have Loehmann's…

–NYU Office

Overheard by: Melanie

Middle-aged guy passing clothing store with shirtless male models at front doors: Hollister? What is it, a ladies club inside?

–NoHo

Overheard by: Arielle

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Men, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Store, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Make Your Eyes Water

Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo."

–Broadway & 37th St

Overheard by: glm

Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal…

–LIRR

Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine.

–36th & 5th

Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: David

Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her.

–Times Square

Overheard by: drekdude

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sisters, Street, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?

–Broadway & 20th St

Overheard by: Cali in NYC

Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.

–79th St & Madison

Overheard by: Anna

Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.

–51st St & Lexington Ave

Woman: He cheated… On JDate!

–26th & 8th

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Dating, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Infidelity, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Latinos, Lies, Love, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Street, Suits, Upper East Side, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Naturally, He's Married, but Still

Woman in yellow dress: Ya'll know how all women want Tupac with a weave?
Woman's friend: Mmm-hmm.
Woman in yellow dress: Well, this was him! 'Cept he doesn't drink, doesn't cuss, and he goes to church!

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Nina L.

Posted on October 26, 2009
Church, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women

Wasn't That a Quentin Tarantino Film?

Woman: Are there dogs in that roof?
Man, sarcastically: Yeah, roof dogs.

–Court St b/w Pacific & Dean

Posted on October 25, 2009
Brooklyn, Man's Best Friend, Men, Questions, Stupidity, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Meet the Fail Whale

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo… No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat… No, that's certainly not it.

–Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?

–The High Line

Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinemas

Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.

–Waverly Place & MacDougal

Overheard by: Sally

Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.

–F Train

Posted on October 21, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Internet, Men, Movie Theaters, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Rack, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Breakthrough

Employee: They tryin' to tell me I'm bipolar. I ain't bipolar; I just a overprotective parent.

–Chock Full o' Nuts, W 86th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Calm woman: The thing about being a therapist is that, well, you're just a band-aid.

–W 3rd St

Dude, introducing himself: So, uh, my therapist thinks I'm ready to start dating again.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jenny

Eight-year-old with older man to cashier: He's not my father, he's my therapist.

–Deli, Upper West Side

Posted on October 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cashiers, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Delis, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Control-Alt-Wednesday One-Liners

Lady with no teeth to bathroom attendant: I love your sparkly eyeshadow! The doctor who did my second abortion had the same eyeshadow!

–Public Restroom, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Slydell

Girl on cell: I would rather have diabetes than get an abortion.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Kári Emil

Asian hipster girl: Abortion, abortion, abortion, Aids!

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: i'll take the next elevator

Teen on cell: I've never been a fan of abortion, but if we could just make this little mistake go away.

–Penn Station

Hipster girl to friends: I mean, I think it should be a choice. Like, I'm not pro-abortion. Actually, I am pro-abortion. I think we should all have been aborted. Our parents made the wrong choice.

–2 Train

Guy on cell: I've pooped in the bushes and an abortion clinic, but never on the floor.

–The Gate, Park Slope

Overheard by: Nathan

Posted on October 14, 2009
Abortion, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Bars & Clubs, Bryant Park, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Illness, Makeup, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Penn Station, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for T

Announcer: There is a downtown b as in "brothel" train approaching 81st Street. That's right. Brothel.

–81st St Station

Angry hobo, after receiving no money: Well, fine, screw you all! The reason you ain't giving me anything is cause no of y'all speak English. They should call this the "e" for "immigrant" train.

–E Train

Overheard by: Matt

Dude outside bar at happy hour: He expects me to be a BFF. But I'm just a bf… No, I'm just an f.

–9th Ave & 56th St

Overheard by: K Melv

Businesswoman on cell: No… the letter s… "s" as in "shot."

–Madison Square Park

Crazy woman to herself: My mom always called me "a" because, when I was little, really little, like before I could talk, I would sing "a a a a a a" over and over. And that was the joke, that I knew the first letter of the alphabet. (shrugs)

–S79 Bus

Little kid, singing alphabet song: A – b – c – d – h – i – v!

–M102 Bus

Posted on October 14, 2009
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Clerks, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Language Barrier, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Panhandling, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Singing, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

And Flip-Flops in New York– Explain.

Woman standing in the rain, yelling at boyfriend: No! I'm not walking there! This water is dirty!
Another woman, passing by: Of course it's dirty, it's on the street. Are you fucking kidding?

–86th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: she's not.

Posted on October 10, 2009
Boyfriends, Cleanliness, Comebacks, Questions, Upper East Side, Women

Women