Wednesday One-Liner Are Better Than “Teen Spirit”

Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!

–LIRR

Overheard by: meg

Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!

–Times Square

Overheard by: patrick

Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad

Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!

–107th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: HuntingSnark

Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.

–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on

Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!

–R Train

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compliments, Food, Girls, Guys, Italians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women

At Least It Complements Your Syrupy Sweetness

Woman in stall #1: I hate it when this happens!
Woman in stall #2: What?
Woman in stall #1: These pants! They looked so nice but they flatten my ass. My ass is flat now. I look like pancake ass!

–Fitting Room, Staten Island

Posted on July 7, 2008
Ass, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gripes, Physical appearance, Stall Spies, Staten Island, Store, Women

A Perfectly Rational Response to a Man Coming Down Your Chimney

Woman #1: What’s wrong with Eddie*?
Woman #2: Oh, Eddie* gets claustrophobic in the city.
Little boy: That means he’s afraid of Santa Claus!

–39th St & 6th Ave

Posted on July 6, 2008
Boys, Default, Fears, Holidays, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Questions, Women

Real Life Is Fuzzy by Comparison

Woman: You know, the only shots Beth* will take are jello shots. She loves them!
Friend: Oh, that’s hilarious.
Woman: I know, I mean she’s 93 years old and still hopping. She loves the high-def television.

–B.L.T Prime, E. 22nd St

Overheard by: cracking up by the coat check

Posted on July 6, 2008
Age/Aging, Default, Drinks, Friends, Gadgets, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Restaurants & Cafes, TV, Women

What Those Perky Weather People Really Say During Commercials

Wife: It’s raining outside.
Husband: It isn’t. They’re playing storm sound effects.
Wife: I can see the street from here. It’s raining.
Husband: Why do you go out of your way to prove me wrong every single moment?

–Hilton Theatre Lobby

Posted on July 6, 2008
Couples, Default, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Theater, Weather, Weirdness, Women

He Said It with an Ominous Voice and a Mr. Burns Finger-Touch

Elderly woman on stretcher: Is the ambulance heated?
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver: Yes.
Elderly woman on stretcher: I’m gonna freeze to death.
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver (smiling, tenderly): No, you’re gonna sweat to death.

–63rd b/w Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Paul Tabachneck

Posted on July 6, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Default, Fears, Medical Workers, Old People, Questions, Sweat, Upper East Side, Weather, Weirdness, Women

I Still Think She Was Just Fat from Eating

Woman #1: She wastes so much time at work. Did you ever notice she eats lunch, like, every day?
Woman #2: Yeah, and do you really have to take maternity leave?

–55th & 8th

Posted on July 4, 2008
Babies, Default, Food, Gossip, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office politics, Questions, Time, Women

Two Girls, One Stradivarius Probably Isn’t Appropriate, Then

Woman: Do you have any books on violins?
Sales guy: Well, we don’t have a lot about playing them, but we have some about the sensuality of it.
Woman: It’s for a child.
Sales guy: Oh.

–Borders, 57th & Park Ave