Wednesday One-Liners Keep Our City Afloat (Unfortunately)

Bossy, fanny-pack-wearing tourist lady: No, no… That map is wrong. We want Broadway and it’s … That way! [Points emphatically toward 8th avenue and storms away.]

–West 47th b/w Broadway & 8th Avenue

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Tourist, whispering to friend: There are a lot of Jewish people in here.

–B&H Photo

Tourist girl: Dad! Look! It’s Times Square! Walk this way.

–Rector St & Broadway

Overheard by: Jax

Tourist lady peering in shop window: Ooooh, calendars! Ooooh, t-shirts! Oh, we’re gonna have to come back here!

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Tourist: Oh honey, look at this purse I bought! It’s a real coach bag and it was so cheap. I bought it on Canal street. You should see all of the Gucci, Prada, and Louis Vuitton they’ve got. I can’t believe you can get the real thing for so cheap.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Johanna

Tourist, in disbelief: People are buying shoes at 11 o’clock at night!

–33rd & Seventh

Overheard by: Gasp!

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Directions, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Shoes, Shopping, Store, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires, Women

Cirrhosis of the Wednesday One-Liners

Hot chick dragging male companion: But you’ll like it this time, you were drunk yesterday…

–19th & 8th

Disheveled homeless woman: Fuck that shit! I’m looking for a real drunk!

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Mike

Man on bike, swerving down street: Look out, get out of the way! Drunk driver coming through!

–Washington Square East and Washington Place

Overheard by: Out of the way!

Appreciative preppy girl: Even though he’s a thug and a drunk, he’s a real intellectual.

–Art Fair at the Armory

Overheard by: Gina Beavers

Drunk guy about to chug: This reminds me of middle school. Got to get the 40 down before second period!

–Stan’s, Bronx

Young woman on cell: No, I do not need to get drunk more often, stop saying that mom!

–Union Square

Overheard by: McCrum

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Preppies, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires, Women

Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

And How Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Feel?

Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.

–Washington G Station

Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.

–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn

NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!

–West 4th St

Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?

–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St

Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?

–Bedford and North 7th

20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: Trey Givens

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Gyms, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Weirdness, Women

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Could Do With a Cuddle

30-something woman to female friend: I’m so happy to see you! I haven’t had sex in a couple of months, except for a few straight girls.

–Carroll Gardens

Smoking chick on cell: I haven’t had sex yet either…I’ll let you know.

–1020 bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Nilla wafer-eating chick: I don’t even understand why people have sex anymore!

–Columbia University

Guy yelling at a woman: Lady! Stop asking, I’m not having sex with you!

–34th & 6th

Guy on cell: Oh my god, do I need to say it? Fine! I promise I won’t try to put my penis in you. Okay?

–Avenue C

Overheard by: lingling

Guy on cell: That’s the thing about sex, it’s all in your head anyway.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: brita bit

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Psychology, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Women, Words

It’s Not a Party ’til Steve and Lucky Show Up

Bald white guy: You know Steve, right?
Asian woman: Steve? Who’s Steve?
Bald white guy: Oh, he’s the gay guy with the three-legged dog.

–43rd & 9th

Posted on May 19, 2008
Asians, Default, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People, Women

I Waited in Vain for a Blonde Ingenue

[two white women are leaving a performance of The Color Purple]Woman #1: So what did you think?
Woman #2: I don’t know. It was good I guess. It was just…
Woman #1: What?
Woman #2: Very… Black or something.

–Outside The Broadway Theatre, 53rd & 7th

Overheard by: Brandi

Posted on May 16, 2008
Colors, Compliments, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Race, Theater, Women, Words

Are Boxes Supposed to Do That?

Woman #1: That Italian wine I got was gooooood!
Woman #2: Yeah?
Woman #1: Yeah! It popped open like a bottle of champagne!

–14th & 3rd

Posted on May 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Union Square and East Village, Women

I Told Her to Teach Them to Love Me, or She’s Fired

Distraught lady: [Sighs] I had the worst night last night.
Suit: What happened?
Distraught lady: [Sighs again, loudly] The kids. Tommy* just wouldn’t stop crying. He was bawling all night.
Suit: Why?
Distraught lady: He kept saying he wanted to go home! He wouldn’t be happy until we were home! So I said, *Tommy, you are home, what do you mean? Explain what you mean by “home.” and then he said he meant home with Isabel, Xander, and Rosa. The nanny!
Suit: Oh my god! So where are they now?
Lady: Out with the nanny, I couldn’t handle them right now.

–Laight St & Hudson

Overheard by: KidUgly

Posted on May 15, 2008
Crying, Default, Gripes, Home, Sweet Home, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Women