Guy on cell: I'm 35. What? That's too old for you? Age ain't nothing but a number, baby. And, I work sometimes too. And I don't smoke. Well, I smoke, but I don't smoke smoke, ya know. And, I've only been in jail once, but that was a long time ago and I've learned. I even read now.
Girl nearby to friend: See, I told you signing up for match.com would be a bad idea. You can never tell who'll answer your ads.
–Atlantic Ave & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Susan
Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.
–Manhattan
Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.
–Stern Building, NYU
Overheard by: Emily
Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!
–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: MR
Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!
–Vesey St & Church St
20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.
–Penn Station
NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.
–Brooklyn Bound Q Train
Overheard by: office peon
20-something Long Island girl: Oh god! This breakup has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly don't even care that he dumped me.
Friend: Yeah, totally.
20-something Long Island girl: Seriously, he needs to realize if it wasn't for that sweater he was wearing, and the fact that I was on ecstasy that night, we would have never dated for this long.
Friend: Yeah! It was J.Crew… And they were double stacked…you were powerless.
–Lokal Bar, Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Aaron
Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?
–Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?
–D Train
(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for…
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: EK
Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.
–Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ewan Walsh
Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?
–Halloween Adventure Store
Overheard by: McF
Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.
–Birthday party, Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: PG
Hobo: I need change. I need me some change. Gonna get a steak sandwich.
Angry woman: Fuck that. Fuck you! I'm a social worker and I know you're nothing but a worthless son of a bitch! I know you gonna buy you some crack!
Hobo: Somebody better fire that bitch!
–Brooklyn
(seven-year-old girl gives 10 books and a few DVDs to library clerk)
Girl: Can I please have a bag?
Clerk: Sure, miss.
(clerk hands girl the bag, girl grabs it)
Girl: God! What did you put in here, a hippopotamus?
–Brooklyn Central Library
Overheard by: Jessie
Teen girl #1: My French teacher is Ms. Smith*. I was like, “Please no!” I hate her so much, and she really sucks at teaching.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I know. Plus, she looks like a monkey's vagina.
Teen girl #1: Have you ever even seen a monkey's vagina?
Teen girl #2: Yeah… I've seen her face.
–Promenade, Brooklyn Heights
Yuppie #1 (greeting friend): What's up?
Yuppie #2: Not– oh, bro I think you still have some shaving cream up on your ear.
Yuppie #1 (wiping off ear): Oh, yeah, that's probably toothpaste.
Yuppie #2: How did you get toothpaste all the way up there?
Yuppie #1: You don't want to know.
–Carroll St, Brooklyn
Loud office chick: Oh my god, I found, like, four condoms on the bookshelf!
–Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Serious teen on cell: If you use a condom… It doesn't count.
–Murray Hill
40-something woman to two 20-year-old men: Don't believe any girl when she tells you she's on birth control. Take your condom and keep it in your wallet.
–19th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: McCrum
Guy on cell: You're just mad because your dick is tiny and the condom slipped off.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Powerwalking Indian woman: I mean, isn't that why I went on the pill? So guys can come in me?
–40th & Queens Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Ohmarkus
Man: Holy shit!
Little child: Ooooohh! Mommy, he said shit.
Mother: Don't worry, it's holy.
–Liberty Avenue
Overheard by: Karina
