The Teachings Of Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.

–New School University

Overheard by: Evan Gilmer

Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!

–Barnard College

Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.

–Pratt Institute

Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?

–Classroom, Hunter College

Overheard by: Rara

Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?

–94th St & Broadway

Overheard by: DI

Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on October 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Birds, Classroom, Cocaine, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Education, Food, Hunter, New School, Offers and requests, One-liners, Penis, Psychology, Questions, Rape, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Yeah, Well You Look Like Lynn from Real Housewives Of OC!

Eight-year-old boy #1: You look like an old person!
Eight-year-old boy #2: I have a good one: you look like dried cum!

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: Eric Arevalo

Posted on September 25, 2010
Age/Aging, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Kids, Parks, Physical appearance

Some Countries Blame the Juice for Everything

Tall, gay, black guy: Girl, I learned a lot watching that movie. There's a lot of sexism in Sweden.
White female friend: Who knew? You'd think they'd be more advanced.
Tall, gay, black guy: And apparently, they have a lot of anti-semenism too.

–Film Forum

Overheard by: Peter K.

Posted on July 25, 2010
Black People, Cum, Education, Fag Hags, Film, Gender issues, Movie Theaters, Queer guys, Sexuality, Stupidity, The Village, White People

Semen, Mostly.

Woman, seriously: I've had a lot spilled on me.
Man, equally seriously: I've spilled a lot on myself.

–Astoria

Posted on June 28, 2010
Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Men, Women

Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cell Phone, Condoms, Cum, Education, Girls, Kosher food, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Bus, Paranoia, President, Sex, Staten Island, STDs, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Dear Rabbi Shmuley…

Shiksa: Is semen kosher for Passover?
Jewish girl: I think so. Sperm don't have hooves.

–23rd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on April 30, 2010
Cum, JAPs, Judaism, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

Wednesday One-Liners' Meters Are Running

Girl to boy: You're just upset that I kicked you out without shoes, and I didn't give you cab fare.

–Black Bear Lodge, 3rd Ave

Guy, after cab splashed water on him: That cab just jizzed on me!

–Broadway & Eagerly

Waspy queer on cell: No, no, take the subway. Just for the experience. Don't take a cab. Cabs are for spoiled people.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl, yelling into window of off-duty taxi: Fine! We're waiting for the cash cab anyway!

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on April 28, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cum, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hotels, Kick, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Shoes, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!

Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?

–City Hall New York Sports Club

Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!

–Union Square

Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.

–R Train

20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.

–Bond St

Posted on April 21, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Asians, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Latinos, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Is That Trademarked?

Girl, eating chocolate Cadbury Creme Egg: Oh my god, you have to try this.
Boyfriend: What's inside?
Girl: The cum of the gods.

–71st St & Columbus

Posted on March 20, 2010
Boyfriends, Cum, Food, Girls, God, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners 101

Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.

–NYU

Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Classics Student

Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.

–New School University

English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.

–English Seminar, Fordham

Posted on February 10, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Columbia (& Barnard), Cum, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Food, Fordham, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Languages, New School, NYU, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, School and studying, Science, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Cum