Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?

–Penn Station

Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.

–10th St & Ave A

Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.

–Uptown F Train

Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.

–Wagner Park

Overheard by: mclaire

Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.

–Rivington & Essex

Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!

Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.

–SoHo

Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!

–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on October 14, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Couples, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Kick, Kids, Lower East Side, Marriage, Men, Moms, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Questions, S&M, Sex, Soho, Street, Teens, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch

Ghetto fabulous sister to another, walking out of bar: You gotta be a classy ho! Bitch!

–Fulton & Lafayette, Brooklyn

Woman on cell: No! He wants a fight and I'm going to fuck her up! I'm going to snap that bitch in half! (pause) I will snap that bitch in half! (pause) Okay, I love you too. (hangs up) Oh, she messed with the wrong bitch!

–27th St, between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Hungry

Blonde yelling on cell: I was not being a bitch or picking a fight! I was saying "I love you, and these are my concerns"!

–27th St b/w Park Ave & Lexington

Overheard by: V

Girl to another: That's when I knew I was a bitch. My homegirl got kicked in the head by a ho… and I laughed!

–Coney Island Ave & Newkirk

30-something suit: I just need a bitch with an accent!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: CourtSnort

Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?

–M60 Bus

Overheard by: Jingles

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Bus, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fighting and ass kicking, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Insults, Kick, Laughter, Love, Moms, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Parents, Questions, Street, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

The Only Variety Of Cockfighting That's Still Legal in the U.S.

Construction worker #1, watching friends during a body shot fight: Are they fighting for real?
Construction worker #2: Nah, I think they are trying to grab each other's cocks.

–Outside Biddy Earlys Pub

Posted on September 28, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Construction Guys, Fighting and ass kicking, Penis, Questions

But You Can't Tell That from My Nails and Hair

Pissed-off girl, fighting with friend: You outer-borough trash!
(10 minutes later)
Friend: Why did you even call her that?
Pissed-off girl: That's what she is!
Friend: But you're from Staten Island!

–Karaoke Duet 35

Overheard by: Slugs

Posted on September 24, 2009
Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Gentleman Companion”

Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.

–Lincoln Center

Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!

–Church St

Overheard by: Steve

Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.

–Metro-North

Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."

–NYU

Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Kiran

Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.

–Marlow & Sons

Posted on September 9, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Books & Writing, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, God, Guys, Knock-Offs, Love, Money & Class, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, Students, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

In Case You Weren't a Classics Major…

Black teenage girl #1: They're always fighting and everything! Bunch of sorry-ass boyfriends we got!
Black teenage girl #2: Like they all proud of their scars 'n shit.
Black teenage girl #3: I think we oughtta do the Lysistrata thing!
Black teenage girl #1: Say what?
Black teenage girl #3: (whispers something to friend)
Black teenage girl #1: Oh, I could never do that!

–Downtown 2 Train

Posted on August 16, 2009
Black People, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Insults, On the Subway, Relationships, Sex, Teens, Theater & Dance

As Exemplified in That Movie, Peace Club

Girl #1: You called me a cow!
Girl #2: You called me a cow five times!
Boy: Why do girls fight? I mean, like, boys never fight.

–Central Park

Overheard by: boysfight

Posted on August 15, 2009
Animals & Nature, Boys, Central Park, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Girls, Nicknames & name calling, Parks, Questions

Does That Connote Romance in the Gay Community?

Gay guy #1 to girl: I only say these things to you because I'm your best friend.
Gay guy #2: Bitch! I'm her best friend!
Girl: Great. Now you guys are totally going to fight for me.
Gay guy #1: I will fuck him up right here. That's how much I love you.

–14th St & 9th Ave

Posted on July 30, 2009
Fighting and ass kicking, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Love, Queer guys, Sex, The Village

“You Have the Right to Remain Wednesday One-Liner”

Cop to another, about uniform and belt: I can't run in this thing.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Sandy Riverside

Random guy, watching 300-pound gangster being arrested: He was throwing the police around like pancakes!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Alex

Guy with garbage bag of purses on St. Patrick's Day: Leprechaun stole my pot o' gold and left me these damn bags! Who wants to buy some stolen shit while the cops are drinking?

–46th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Madeline

Police officer to another: He knew I was on the force, and that nigga still gave me a ticket for speeding!

–1 Train

Female train conductor: Nigga, I hate them undercover cops! Always holding the doors! You can never be sure if they cops or if they just guys with gats!

–1 Train

Posted on July 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fighting and ass kicking, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Subway conductors, The Village, Thievery, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Professor, seriously: Were you involved in the jelly bean incident?

–Physics Hallway, Trinity School

Overheard by: Siena

CSR: Stale peeps are excellent! Now, that is one finely-aged peep.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Man to friends sitting on bench: You either look at the girl or you look at the ice cream!

–Outside Sundaes & Cones, 10th & 3rd

Overheard by: The Girl Anonymous

Cheerful gift shop clerk on phone: So I got my peanut buttercups and then Anne* saw me on the street and came up to me, and punched me in the face and was all "Give me a peanut buttercup!" and I said "but there are only two in the package and I was saving one for Robert*!" Then she punched me in the face again!

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Greek waitress: Ice cream without whipped cream is like… girl without boyfriend!

–Diner, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on July 22, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Friends, Hudson River, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Punch, Questions, School, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Fighting and ass kicking

In Case You Weren't a Classics Major…